Tis the season to be.....

Ain't he just the cutest thing? I had to retire the thing on my keyring I had been carrying around with me for like....good god...nearly 20 yrs.
Wow.
I'm sure this little fellow will be the cause of some whispers and looks.......

Jake wasn't left out this holiday season..... Aside from all the ham he could eat.... Master Jake also enjoys his new toy guaranteed to drive me nuts from all the swishy noises that it makes!

You can't see from the photo he sort of lazily sticks his paw in the open side and pushs the ball around. He also sticks his tail in, his back paws and the blankies he's lying on. He'll grab onto the thing and just gnaw on it while pushing his back legs against it...... I'm not sure what he's trying to do, but it sure makes me laugh when I catch him at it.

How lucky am I that I have friends that know exactly what I like....and that I'm happy that the animals in my life are happy.

I'm damn lucky in my opinion......

Police raid home, seize B&D videos!

CONNECTICUT NEWS

Police Seize Woman's ComputersDecember 16, 2005 By KEN BYRON, Courant Staff Writer

ENFIELD -- Police are investigating a local woman who produced bondage and domination videos at her home and then sold memberships to customers who watched them on her website.Deputy Chief Carl Sferrazza said the Montano Road house was searched in November and that no charges have been filed against the woman, Michelle Silva. He would not say what kind of criminal activity is being investigated.
Sferrazza said investigators seized computers along with a number of other items, which he would not specify.He said police started investigating Silva early this year after neighbors complained of suspicious activity that included lots of traffic and people often coming to the house at night. Sferrazza said neighbors also saw a number of cars with out-of-state license plates.
The computers are being examined at state police forensic computer lab. Sferrazza said the outcome of that examination will determine what police do next. Silva said she obeyed all local and state laws in running the website and said the search violated her rights. "I'm upset and I'm confused," she said about the investigation.
Silva said customers bought memberships through her website, on which she calls herself Empress M, that let them watch bondage and domination videos on the site. She said she produced all the videos at her home, except for one that was made in Arizona by another producer and which she paid for. The models in the videos were paid, Silva said.
Daniel Silver, Silva's New Britain lawyer, said she has done nothing illegal and he has filed motions in Superior Court in Enfield seeking to have the computers returned to her.
"I have some basic First Amendment issues with that search," he said. "No one has been charged with a crime and the material that was seized is not contraband. The material may not be to my taste, but it is permitted."
Silva said the website was her sole source of support and the seizure of her computers has put her out of business. Although the website was still up Thursday, she said it cannot be modified until she gets her equipment back. She said she started the business in July 2004.

A year in review?

I've been seeing a number of people do their 'year in reflection'.
It amazes me they can see past their pile of crap to actually see the mirror AND once they do, how can they stand to see what is reflected back?

Oh yeah, I forgot....they are self-deluding. My bad....

My year in review is that it wasn't the worst of times, it wasn't the best of times. I pissed a lot of people off which didn't bother me one wit. Actually, more people needed pissed on rather than pissed off but I don't do toilet sports.

I made new friends, I found out just who were my friends were. I traveled a bit, I had the best times right here at home. It is actually interesting....my friends have very different ideas than I have about some things but we still get along because well....we don't judge the other one. Opinion is stated, debated and life goes on. No one has to agree with me. They simply have to be interesting and not an asshole.....or vice versa. You'd be suprised at how hard people like that are to find....especially within the lifestyle.

I was going to tell you about my weekend, which thanks to someone's mother just ROCKED! Thanks to everyone who was there iffen you see this. The weekend however, is just something I'm going to keep to myself though....though, I think next time I take off somewhere, Jake either comes with me or I get a cat sitter.

Ever see a cat sulk? It ain't pretty.

"Photograph"

There is this song by a band called Nickleback. It's called "Photograph". I imagine a few of you have heard it. Its a cool song.

My god, the memories it conjures up! While I do not remember much of my childhood, I do remember a lot of high school (I believe hell is a mix of junior and senior high school). This song does not remind me of my high school time. It does remind me of a time about 15 yrs ago...and a much closer time of 5 yrs ago.

Those were the best and worst years of my life.

The best parts were hanging around with my friends, listening to music, driving too fast, drinking too much.....and smoking too much of the wacky tobaccy. It was going to the beach just to watch the sun come up with yer best buddies and a special buddy.

I remember going there, at separate times....with 2 special someones. Its amazing how one can remember the sounds, the smells....the indignation when one of them is girl watching....and yer not the girl! But, I also remember the good times when it all seems to come together with the one yer with. It all ends though. Everything has to end.

One of my special someone's is dead though. I remember how I felt. That's all I have to say about that. The other one is still alive and well though. We talk now and then.

Itwasn't all good, it wasn't all bad. I miss my friends though, but value the ones I have now every bit as much.

"Look at this photograph! Everytime I do it makes me laugh........."

What the hell?

They say history is written by the victors.

Well, that sucks. That means we only get that one sided view of it.

The world as we know it has run amuck...amuck, amuck, amuck. There is acts of terrorism all over the world.

And for what? Why are these people hell bent on either converting us all to their religion or wiping us off the face of the earth? I don't 'feel' like a 'great' satan or that my country is a 'great' satan even if it does do things I do not approve of. Why are we considered that? Is the average American a satan? An American child? Is the average Joe Blow a 'great' satan? I don't understand.

I'm tired of hearing "death to Americans, death to America." What have I done to you oh, mr. terrorist?

This war. I don't recall being asked if I wanted to go to war. Why are we fighting a country when all we want is just the few people heading the government there and the terrorist organization?

We got their dictator out...let them rebuilt on their own. Hell. Haven't we've done enough and accomplished so little? No more.

The American people have said loud and long, "get the fuck out of there". You, George W., you work for us....shouldn't you listen?

To my friend over there now, I just want you guys home and safe.

Him/Herself as a title.....for the Irish in all of us!

The Irish have a way of referring to someone that I find unique and something worth emulating. It is referring to that person as Himself or Herself. "How is Himself this evening?" You immediately know that they are referring to someone they highly consider.

The reason I consider this worth something is that no one would be using that stupid phrase "my Sir/Ma'am" anymore. That is, if I could be influential in anyway. "girl, where is your Sir/Ma'am/Dominant/Master/Mistress at?" "Himself/Herself is having a cigarette with the others." While it may not be .... grammatically correct, it does have a certain 'air' about it. It would still sound better if they would refer to their dominant by his or her name rather than by a title. Less confusing.

I do not ever expect anyone to stop using that idiot phrase: my Sir/Ma'am, but wouldn't it be grand if they did?

'Course then, someone would be grousing about the use of Him/Herself.........

to dominant or not to dominate......

Are you a Dominate or Dominant?

How you spell it I think, determines if you are paying attention or simply don't know any damn better.

I have to admit that I used to use dominate. Spell check said it was ok....but that I needed to change the order of the words......ok.....now how did it want me to rearrange things?

Now, when I see people making the same damn mistake again and again.....AND again I want to slap them stupid.

Ooops, I'd be too late wouldn't I?

When you gently point out their mistake....and they say, "It doesn't matter. People know what I mean.", you want scream, "Yah idiot...they know you mean yer too stupid to know the difference!"

Sheesh.

I know, I know...I rant and rave about my sir, my ma'am and the stupid way it sounds and no one listened. I'll rant and rave about this and no one will listen.....

But they will know exactly what I think of them. Yup.

Dat's ok. They would be suprised at just how many people do agree with me. Now, I dunno if they agree with me because they think I'm going to whack them with my cane or that they recognized sound thinkin' when they hear it.

I'll tell ya....if you don't want to sound like yer a complete loser, remember this: You are a Dominant. What you do is dominate. I could go into verb, noun, blah blah but this is more simple: what you are, what you do.

I could give other rules, but simple usually works best.

________________________________

We had a birthday party for our Miss Pinky. What a blast! Something happened and I need time to digest it....so I can write about it later.

Oh, Jake got a new collar.....a spiked one. If I can get a decent picture of him wearing it I'll post it. Who ever heard of a camera shy cat?

Religion is bad for society

I had to share this because after this past week it seems so.....right.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/printFriendly/0,,1-2-1798944-2,00.html

God was his co-pilot........

I walked into the house on Wed. evening to find a yahoo message blinking at me....

"hi. where are you? are you watching about the plane?"

'Oh hell....oh god, oh no... please.....' were my first thoughts. Had terrorist struck again? I asked the messenger for more info: "What plane"

He messaged back to say a plane was having trouble landing and it was all over CNN, MSNBC, Fox...etc and that it was completely fascinating.

Ghouls I thought......the newsies are waiting for it to crash....and we are all going to have to watch these people die.

But no one died.

What I and countless others saw was the finest flying I had ever seen in my entire life. God must have been his co-pilot because the landing was perfect.....just perfect! Rubber burning, tire parts burning away, then sparks flying all over.....you just had to wonder.

I sat there on the edge of the seat and prayed every bit of the way down for all those people...when it came to a stop.....I laughed, I clapped....I shouted 'YEA, THAT'S the way to do it!' and I gave a prayer of thanks to all responsible. If I did that from sitting here safe in my living room....how did the people on board there feel!?!

It was incredible and I was just emotionally exhausted. That pilot, that crew.....I'd fly with them any day and sleep knowing I didn't have to keep the plane up with my shere will power. They deserve a great deal of thanks from their boss.

phew!

Indy Munch and the new rule....

I'm on the egroup for the Indy Munch. Sometimes I like to go there and meet old friends and new ones that come there because its inbetween where we live.

Not too long ago, they switched hostesses. She's got this new rule and apparently, she's the only one who knows about it because when she mentioned it in a post and the penalty for breaking it........goodness, what a mess. A number of people have stated they have no intentions of ever going back, coming to, or having anything more to do with the munch. And rightly so. I was offended to.

Its taken a number of days but I finally wrote the new hostess and asked "WTF"? Well, not in those letters but in spirit.

This is what I wrote:

This is the progression of what was said......with some minor edits.

Date: Wed Sep 14, 2005 10:08 am

Now a note on number three... At the IndianapolisMunch, you
will be kicked out and not allowed back forthe entire time I am hostess if you are caught talking to anyone outside of the munch (with the exception of restaurant staff, and you should really only be talking vanilla stuff or placing an order with them). There will be no warning, you will just be benned.

That certainly put some ruffled some feathers. Was certainly a rule I hadn't seen posted or anything. Its not even in the files on the munch egroup. If you hadn't mentioned this new rule how could we be expected to follow it even it was worded politely. Notice also that there is no mention of coming to ASK about speaking to vanillas.
Next post!

Date: Wed Sep 14, 2005 2:01 pm

Well, you see... We've had a problem in the past with members of the munch (and slosh) talking about BDSM to restaraunt patrons outside of the munch.
If you see a friend, I would suggest you come up to me and let me know that you're going to drop by their table to havea little chat. Because, if I see an attendee of the munch talking to someone outside of the munch (without warning), they will be banned as long as I am hostess... No questions asked.
-Isabella

Now as we see, we have to notify you before we talk to a friend. Now, considering the way JJ's set up, how are we going to know they are there unless we have already walked out? I suppose we are to turn around and come back in and wait to be noticed before we notify her that we see our friend sitting out in the main part of the restaurant....right.
Yes'sum

Date: Fri Sep 16, 2005 9:04 am


Hello all!
First, let me apologize. I freely admit that my communication via text sucks (I usually convey emotion/meaning through gesticulation, voice and facial expressions)! ;p That being said, feel free to engage me on the following topics in person:
When a patron asks what we are doing, please feel free to send them my way. While it might ruffle some feathers, I must ask that if you see someone you know (or care to compliment, in a non-sexual/sensual/inappropriate way, a patron ;p) that you come up to me beforehand, or afterwards and let me know. There is the possibility that if you don't let me know (either before or after) I will assume that you were engaging in inappropriate conversation and you will be banned.
So..... Do not engage patrons (outside of the munch) in BDSM related discussion.
And I'm not sure of any other way to put this so..... If you *do* engage patrons, outside of the munch, in BDSM/kink/fetish/inappropriate discourse you will be banned for as long as I am the hostess. I am doing this to protect the majority of munch attendees (you know, the ones with the common sense! :D) from losing another munch venue. I am also doing this to protect the part of society that is offended by us (they have to right to peacefully co-exist through blissful ignorance...).
I hope this clears some things up.
As always, if you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to drop me a line (via the list and/or my private e-mail box) and I will get back with you as soon as is possible.I look forward to meeting many of you tomorrow... See you at 6!
:)
-Isabella

ok....point one. if a patron/nilla asks what we are doing.....we send him or her back to the area where the munch is? Does anyone besides me see the logic in that....especially if there could be some that are a little bit worried about being 'outed' at all? Where is the respect for the munch patron's privacy?Also, I have yet to see a host/ess actually circulate amongst the guests at the munch. This is anywhere...not just Indy, but NIK, Kokomo, Anderson...and a some from way out of state.
Again, you state that you will assume one is up to no good. You all know what they say about assuming anything, yes?
The over all tone of this little missive is....almost, insulting. I frankly find it sarcastic and offensive...even though the beginning of it was humourous and promising.
Now, after all this time, I've pretty much made up my mind on the munch and the hostess, but the over all responses are entirely too interesting to just leave.
Now to the last response so far....

Date: Fri Sep 16, 2005 5:56 pm

Okelie dokelie....Well, hmmmmm.....It seems some folks are still confused, just a little, over some of the finer points of the new Indianapolis munch rule. So, without further ado I will make my points easy to read for those of you who like to skim... ;)

1) I was asked to be the hostess of the Indianapolis munch becauseI'm not afraid to do new things (I am one of the creators, founding members, and organizer for House of T***). This rule is one ofthose new things, and while it may create a lot of flak (please seenumber two)....

2) I am instilling this rule because I want the munch to be around for the new folks (young and old alike). My goal, while hostess, is to create a safe environment for *new* folks to show up and meetothers who may share similar interests. Getting complaints from avenue about inappropriate behavior from munch attendees and/or getting kicked out of a location (which has happened to the Indianapolis munch before) does not equal a safe environment.

3) I am not asking anyone to ask me for permission to speak.
I am asking for folks to give me a heads up when they are going to be/have been talking with patrons outside of the munch so that I know nothing inappropriate
is/was talked about. I assume that if you're comfortable enough to come up to me and let me know you were chatting, that nothing inappropriate was discussed. In short, this rule is intended to keep inappropriate people from acting inappropriately. If someone compliments you about something and you say "Thank you," that would be an example of polite behavior - and clearly not inappropriate.

4) For those of you who are sticklers for protocol (which describes me from time to time! ;p), I am not a submissive. I will even have my pet with me at this gathering...

5) The new rule never stated that a ban will be permanent. A ban, if any, will be upheld only for as long I am the hostess of the munch (unless the incoming host/ess decides to uphold a ban).

-Isabella

I want to know when this rule was mentioned to the munch group? Do we just absorb it via aura? How? Where and when did I miss this rule going into effect?

Somewhere back in all the posts, it was mentioned that some Dom and his buddies took it on themselves to try and recruit a tender young virgin. It was mentioned that this Dom still doesn't see what he did that was so wrong. GET rid of him if you want to nip it in the bud!

Why oh why, didn't someone hit him in the head with a 2x4? That is how you get the attention of a mule. Besides, if he's that damn stupid, you shouldn't want him in the group anyway and he should be BARRED from every coming to another one. No, he messed up and now those of us that like coming to the munch are bearing the brunt of it.

NIK or ALM had an issue with a dom that was inappropriately touching the wait staff. I would have bounced him out on his ass in a heartbeat. As I have heard, he's still allowed to attend area munches. No one wants to offend anyone so they do nothing.

I actually applaud the action of removing an offending person if they commit a trangression. ASSUMING they have committed a transgression without knowing anything, opens the way for abuse of this policy. What if someone comes up to you and says, "I saw so and so talking to some nilla out in the main dining room."

What are you going to do?

March them out of the bathroom to their car?

Meet them at the door and force them to leave?

Will you listen to their protest?

Will you investigate the incident?

Do you actually care about the people that come to the munch or this just a blanket remedy to inaction from before?
The rule is for inappropriate people you said. Yet we have to come up to you and let you know we'll be speaking to people out in the main area.

This is an assinine rule. Technically, I have no problem with it, since I don't really know anyone in Indy anyway so have no fears on that point. BUT, I'm known for just striking up conversations with people standing in grocery lines, bathroom lines...etc just to past the time.
I urge you to reconsider this rule. Make it a suggestion, word it differently, allow for friendliness. You have just changed the tone of the munch from friendly, to one of apprehension.

I wonder what she will have to say?

Wow...

What a weekend!!!

My housemate and I had friends from the lifestyle over this weekend for food and play.

It....well, to describe this....it was like having family over to hang out, watch tv, gossip, compare, exchange ideas.....

It was a blast.

AND.....it keeps getting better!

Now, usually, I like to bring in one new person each time. A sort of gentle introduction to the lifestyle that is very no pressure: everyone there is more than happy to lend a helping hand or 2. Everyone WANTS to learn something new or pass on what they have learned by offering a gentle suggestion or 2.

I'm always floored by just how relaxed everyone is.

Consider......... some are scening, some are chatting in another room, some are watching the cartoon channel.

Is this family or what?
Is this fun or what?

The rest of you, have no idea what yer missing....

What's in a word?

To the bozo who gave us the word "Domme"....

C'mere so I can smack da chit out of you.

Its not even a real word. It doesn't exist in the French where I'm sure they were trying to make 'domme' like the ACTUAL word 'femme'.... The notion that just as you pronounce Femme as Fem, not Femmay, you pronounce Domme as Dom, is totally missed by many who end up shouting that they are a 'Dom may' or as I think it..."Dummay"

It cracks me up.

Not only is it a fake word, they can't even pronounce it as it should be...based on the word they are taking it from.

I am not a "Domme". I am a Dominant and quite happily so. Just call me Ma'am. It's good enough for the Queen, it's good enough for me.

'nuff said.

Worth repeating....

I don't know how many times I have heard people use the terms... "my Sir" "my Ma'am".

Its irritating. Stop it. If there is a Biblical reason behind it.....well, look here and see what it's actually about:

http://www.tektonics.org/lp/nomaster.html

The word is not a name or a noun and around me at least, it will not be used as if it were. It is a title, a display of respect and should only replace a name in direct conversation with the respected party meaning....the Dominant you are submissive to.

Most people now use it now because they are ignorant. Granted the word has a bit of a charge to it...but don't mistake the charge for substance. "Call me 'sir/ma'am'," results in subbies speaking of "my Sir/Ma'am" and doing things because "Sir/Ma'am said to." It's bad English and a poor relation to the original use of the word.

Don't do it. If this little rant upsets or annoys you.....tough. Use correct English fer gawd's sake.

Sheesh.

*****************************************

Jake update.

Jake was at the vet's for a little nip and tuck. Ya, he was neutered. He was so out of it when he came home. Walked around like a drunken sailor. Pupils were all huge.....he was sort of like a stoner kitty actually.

What's weird is that now he plays with the dog. They chase each other around the house and play together. Before, if the dog got to close to him, Jake would smack the crap out of the dog.
He's much more playful now. Do you supposed he's afraid that if he doesn't act more cat like, that I'm going to have something else cut off?

My poor kitty cat. But, he's doing ok. At least I'm not having his claws amputated. Declawing is NOT an option.

Appreciating the Unique......Miss Pink!

I have this friend.

No, it's true...I do have a friend.

She has many excellent qualities...but her most endearing......and what makes her the most unique person I know of, is that she's just so damn interested in everything...and gets so excited when presented with something new to see or learn.

Others have said that her biggest fault.

Really, they did.!

It is that excitibility that keeps things fresh and new. It is so easy for all of us to become so ... jaded by all that we see. Its our responsiblity I believe, to keep things fresh and exciting for those that submit themselves to us. I never want what I do to become old and tired. I don't want to flog or cane and have my mind somewhere else...like how much laundry I have waiting. Mistakes happen that way if we get sloppy. But we are only human and we are bored....then, that doesn't make it any good for the sub....and definitely doesn't do us any good. I haven't gotten bored though.....at least not with a sub around.

Usually if I am that bored...I take off for a while...do something else. Write, drive, visit...explore.... recharge the batteries so to speak. My friend though....SHE just has this zest for the whole lifestyle! In a way, a lot of it is just so new to her that her enthusiasm is just contagious. Everything is a learning experience and she just dives in. Both feet. No hesitation. How many of us can say that? I can't. I hesitate for various reasons. Not my friend. She just bungie jumps in!

Here's to you Miss Pinky!

psssst.......pssssst......wanna know something?

Come closer.....






A little closer please......










I promise, I'm not going to bite you! I'll even pinky promise!






I did not ask fer email addresses so that I could steal the gawddamn egroup! That one could think that, tells me a lot about just how paranoid some are.
I am NOT going to organize another group here!
I'm am going to enjoy myself, enjoy others, nod politely at you should I see you somewhere and not think about this.

This is just a VERY small group of people that I like and respect, getting together for food and drink and intelligent conversation.

As long as ya'll don't start nothing, won't BE nothing.

sheesh........

this weekend.....

I had a good weekend.

I organized a cookout/play party with an RSVP guest list and people actually showed up!

We had a good time......we had a GREAT time! I feel so damn free! There could have been small improvements, but for giving a first time party......whoohooo! I did good.

I owe it all to my guests though. Can't have a good party without good guests...and they were great guests. None of us had any sort of agenda with each other, everyone was confident of their skills, no need fer posing......no need to do anything you didn't want to.

I wandered a round...and found a bunch of people watching Blue Collar Comedy Tour...and laughing like loons. The air of relaxation was just so.....apparent.

Good food, good company.....was a lovely time.

After eating....don't think we didn't play. Oh, we played. We played hard.

And that's all I'm going to say about that.......

Except.....that we might be having another party next month.

Jake

Jake got hurt again.

This time he ended up with some sort of bite that turned into some kind of infection. Jake came home on 3 legs....he went for his food dish...so I knew he was ok to some extent...but if you picked him up, he's cry out.

Its 10 at night, so no use calling a vet. Nothing felt broken, but he was hurting he was.... He went and got on A's bed and didn't move all night except to turn over and squall now and then.

Around here, the vets will not see anyone before 10 am, even though their office opens at 8am. I call up and explain my situation. I was told I could bring him and they would give me an estimate.

An estimate?

I see, my cat is broke and they will give me an 'estimate' on how much it would be to fix him. If I couldn't afford it...well, too gawddamn bad for the cat. He can stay in pain and just fucking die I guess.

I realize that they need their money and all...but they do a nice business I guess...its cash or credit card. Yer fucked if you don't have either.

Never mind that some poor animal is suffering. How goddamn humane is that?

Jake did get to see a vet though. Thank God for A who loves the furball as much as I do.

Jake will be ok. Antibiotics and fish and ham will make him all better.

I wrote to the Pope to ask him to pray for Jake. Ya, I know, yer all thinking I'm completely off my gourd. The Pope has a cat...just not at the Vatican..some dumb rule. But yes, the Pope loves cats and well....given Jake's tendencies to get in trouble, I need all the help I can get and divine help is good help. I think though, I should have put in a request to the goddess Bast as well.

Usually, when I'm working on this, Jake is all curled up with his head on my arm or somewhere.

He's still on the bed sleeping right now, getting better. He can't jump up this far and he hurts too bad to move around much.

I miss him being a pain in the arse......

the making of a Dominant

I have to thank a slave william for this blog. It was something he said in one of his last emails that got me thinking.

While I have writing a bit about subs, I've never actually written about Dominants other than to criticize them. Some need to taken out back and beat like a rug. Some are just too magnificent to be believed. Some I am in awe of and make me wish to bend my knee to them. I remember old conversations I had with those I am in awe of and one thing I remember that didn't strike me as odd then but I find odd now, is that each and every one of those awesome Dominants was familiar with the Sun Tzu.

"Sun Tzu?", you are thinking, "Who dat?"

Well, my little monkeys, he wrote a little book way back called the Art of War. It is still used to this day not only in the military, but also in business. It is the closest thing to an owners manual that a human being has. I'd read it because I used to date a former Green Beret that used to quote Tzu quite a bit. I am not suggesting that the submissive is the enemy, but only that handling them can be done as such. After all, as when one dominants, one conquers.

I'm not mean, yer a sissy!

I was chatting with a friend one evening at a munch and we ended up talked about styles.... She then said...women are more cruel then men.

She is right.

For sheer cruelty, you can't touch what a woman can do. It doesn't matter if its physical or mental cruelty, women just are better at it. Men can seem to only hurt you in certain ways only if you let them. If it's mental cruelty a man is doing, it can only hurt you if you allow it. If you know what his game is, then it might sting, but you really understand that he's just blowing it out his ass. If a man is beating someone, and I'm not talking about lifestyle things where there are RULES, but rather abuse, he may be cruel a the time, but he'll stop and then feel bad then be good for a while. By the way, if you are in a situation like that... GET THE FUCK OUT. Run. There are all kinds of places to hide. No woman should ever be abused. Ever. Get out before someone dies.

Now, going back to lifestyle things....Women play harder. I'm not sure why. I know why I do things, its because I'm a sadist. I admit it. I enjoy their pain. A lot of women however, do not. At least not to the degree that I like. I'm not saying this is dominantion. Its not. It's pain at its pure form for my enjoyment. Would you believe it does not sexually excite me? I'm serious. I derive a great deal of enjoyment out of it, but it doesn't arouse me. Personally, I think sex would just ruin the whole mood. Am I wrong? I don't think so and that is all that matters as far as I am concerned.

*************************

I'm gonna share summat with you all. It's my deepest darkest fantasy. It might scare some of you.

Are you ready?

(deep breath)



Sorry, not going to tell you. It scares me.

*************************

Speaking of scaring, I promised a sub that I would scare him. Time will tell if I scared him very badly or not. He'd been asking for limits pushed. He also mentioned that he didn't give over control so well.

Today I didn't give him that option.

""Step into my parlor', said the spider to the fly", I whispered to him as I not only had him cuffed to the cross, but then wrapped his arms and legs to it as well with industrial strength shrink wrap. He could not move. He could not wiggle. Helpless.

He didn't much like it.

He was ....... afraid. (shivers)

I then whispered to him, "A safe word is only an illusion". If you think about it, technically that is true. He had to trust me. At that point I don't think he knew if he did or didn't. At that point I had my wicked way with him and didn't give him time to think.

I could taste his fear. I could have rolled around in it like a cat would roll around in catnip. It was so delightful. I said things to him to make him even more fearful. I think it worked. When I thought he had had enough, and was about to panic, I stopped and let him rest and then chatted with him about that experience.

It took me a while to figure out what I was going to do. I knew I was going to teach him fear, but not how I was going to do it. I had to work myself into the mind frame most of the day.

I do believe I pushed some of his limits nearly to their breaking point.

Maybe some of you are thinking.....oh now...that just ain't right. Welp, I can prove that I did tell him that I was going to show him fear and that I couldn't tell him how but that I was going to do it. He had ample warning. Now I can go back to being my normal self with him. If I'm lucky, he may post here and tell all of you about the experience.

Wouldn't that be nice? I think so too.

a scare...involving Master Jake

Master Jake got in a fight Wed. night.

He was on the business end of some teeth or claw and got his bad ear punctured.

My poor baby was listless, wouldn't eat, would cry, would sort of pad softly from one area to another. I thought he was mad about something....because if I have not done what he wants, I get the cold shoulder. Instead, when I go to bed, he's curled up on Alan's bed. I curled up with him and that's when I found it.

A massive hematoma on his bad ear.

Well, I did what any self respecting slave would do. I panicked. I called a buddy of mine who has cats and pleaded for help. He got here and he inspected Master Jake and looked in the phone book to see when a Vet would be open. 8am is when the offices open, but no doctors until 10am.

10am. A human doctor can be in his office at 8am, or 9am. These guys got it good.

However, my Jake was hurting and I was a mess. I iced his ear to keep the swelling down (based on the suggestion of my buddy) and it seemed to have helped.

Jake had tears coming out of his eyes....which were opened so wide as we went into the Vet's office. I have to say, I was about to get all soggy to, but I had to be strong so that he doesn't pick up on my panic. He let me know how unhappy he was to be there.

We finally got in to see the Vet. They wanted to operate on him!!! To take give him some sort of screen to keep the shape of his ear correct....which, as it is....Jake's ear is already messed up, it will never be right.

I tell them what the budget will afford and he goes hmmmm....and then takes Jake to another area where I can't go. I soon hear this big old yowl...and he comes back in and says they need to tranq my cat. Lord god in heaven...what are they doing to Jakers??? I say ok, because I have been on the business of his teeth before. The nail grew back nicely thank you.

So, a while later, this kid comes back with a very quiet and very .... stoned looking Jake in his arms. MY POOR JAKE! His head is bloody, his leg is all wet looking, and he looks like..."dude, weird trip". He's so groggy.

We pay the bill and off we go....he's not so groggy that he can't stuggle like crazy. We get home ok despite the fact that he wanted to make the trip on top of my feet. It was not good for him because I drive a stick.

So, now I have to squeeze Jake's ear every so often to get the stuff out of it and then give him a dropper of antibotics. He hates that squeezing on his ear. He's using words I didn't know he knew and if he weren't sick I'd wash his mouth out with soap. He is VERY vocal about I'm doing to him.

He's better now. He's eating....fussing about wanting to be let out....as if. When I don't have to press his ear he might be allowed, but until then....I don't think so.

I love my kitty....but I don't want to be scared like that ever again. How do parents ever handle sickness?