memories...

I used to have a cousin.

Yah, I know, most of us do. But this one was different. When I was younger, he was one of the many cousins I had that actually liked me. See, I was different. I wasn't blood related to any of them being 'adopted' and all.
This cousin's name was Bobby. Bobby was gay. We used to hang out together and he'd take me to these clubs down on Gillespie St. in Fayetteville, NC. He'd come over, I'd put him in make-up and I'd dress all butch and off we'd go. It was the most fun I can remember having during that rather dark period of life. I almost got married during that time....a bit different time then. I'd been married to someone I'd known since childhood and had taken to bed...but that's a different story.
Anyway, Bobby and I had a lot of fun then. He was the only cousin I had that accepted me just as I was. Warts and all (no, I didn't actually have warts...) could it have been because Bobby was gay and was unaccepted by even his own family? Possibly. His father once asked me to 'make him a man'...the implication that I have sex with Bobby. Like this would make Bobby a man. But, well, Bobby and I did do some fooling around and I have to say....he could do things to my ears that well....when he was done, I near about lost it. In all my years since, I've never met anyone since who came close to being able to match that. But we never did sleep together and Bobby told me that he had in fact, had sex with a girl. He much preferred to have sex with men thank you! I didn't have a problem with it. I don't understand why others do.
Anyway, I moved away and I heard later that Bobby joined the army. I had to laugh. That was really putting the fox in with the hens. He did ok. Finished his time without being found out or discharged.
Then, some time in the late 80's or early 90's I hear that Bobby is dead. According to my late mother, he 'died of the AIDS'. He died alone. No family. Well, I assume he died alone, I do imagine he would have had some friends but, no family. My mother had liked him, but not enough to put herself out for him. I know she said that none of the family went to see him, but I think some of them went to the memorial. I think all AIDS deaths were cremated.
Bobby was such a whore. He said so himself. He loved men and he loved sex with men. I think there would have been no one person that was special. I don't know if that was what he was looking for. I remember he was in love so often. He could never decide on just one, so there was the many. I shudder to think of how many he may have actually infected before he was diagnosed. It would have upset him.

I miss my cousin Bobby. He was sweet, cute and had a wonderful lively smile. I'd like to think that we would have kept in touch somehow. It would have been easier now days, with computers and all, but I was moving around so much at that time that well.....I hate to write...and by the time I would have received a reply, I may have been in another state.

AIDS.

'nuff said

Its a new year. hurrah

So, its a new year and I should get busy and get something posted. But I haven't felt like putting anything out as I have been well, forgetful. I think sometimes that I actually have something to say and then, I just forget what it was that was either pissing me off so badly or I get distracted...SQUIRREL!

I could tell you how cute my cats are acting but that would interest no one but me and is hardly worth mentioning. But they are cute and I dote on them. I could tell you that I think parts of My Chemical Romance's cd The Black Parade sounds like it was influenced by Pink Floyd. But who does that interest? I like the band. I like emos. They are all so cute in their black lace, leather, white make-up, etc.

What I like about them is that they are so busy trying to insist they are all in black because of one reason or another and want to assert their individuality so they can look like all the other little emos out there.... Its laughable, almost, but they are young and seem to be so desperately trying to fit in with others they think are like them. It seems that no one wants to be an individual any more. They have to be 'something'. Identified with 'something'. There are those who are an individual. Those are the ones they make movies about. But these kids do not seem to know that.

That could bring me to a rant I've been saving up on the educational system, but I only have the beginnings of that rant going and its not ready to appear just yet.

'nuff said'

Humiliation: Good idea? Bad idea?

I've been asked about my view on using humiliation as a bdsm tool. Personally, I can't see doing it, not as a part of how I do things. Let's take a look at it: humiliation is the tearing down of someone's self esteem.

What useful propose does it serve? All I see at first is the use of humiliation to build up one's self by tearing down someone else's self esteem.

That's just wrong in my opinion. I may as well shout to the world that I see myself as worthless and must destroy others to make myself look better. As a dominant...I see that as having no control in my personal life. If that is something I'd have to do to make myself seem....'more' then well, that's a rather significant flaw I think. Its something that would cross over into vanilla life. I'd be rude to people I see as insignificant.

I've seen this sort of behaviour in the vanilla world much too often. I'm sure you've seen it too. We see it in tv shows, news reports and while standing in line at the check-out counter. We see it with parents, with children and with people in authority. Do we need it in kink also?

Some people think so. I get requests for it a lot. "Humiliate me Mistress". It may be a genuine need. I simply can't see myself doing it. I don't need to build myself up. I'm comfortable with whom and what I am. It maybe be that I could humiliate someone but my fear is that I'd tear them down and give them nothing in return except fear.

Not that fear is a bad thing mind you....but I like creating fear in another way entirely.

So, humiliation is a limit for me.

'nuff said!

Its that time of year once again....

I was mostly always convinced that this time of year was a commercial creation.

What the dickens does Santa Claus have to do with the birth of Jesus? When did we go from celebrating a birth of a wise man, to 8 tiny reindeer disturbing yer sleep?

Tell me! It makes no sense.

I don't celebrate this holiday. I acknowledge that perhaps Jesus was really born this month, but I'm more inclined to believe that the Christian church in their zeal to convert pagans, perverted pagan holidays into Christian ones...lets sugar coat that conversion.

Now, its simply a money making deal.

Where is Jesus going though the money changers at the temple when we really need him?

I think He'd be a bit disappointed at what we've done in His name.

Makes me glad I am Buddhist in my outlook.

'nuff said!

a WTMF moment...

A friend of mine went to a slosh in another state recently. He said, "I got an invitation home, from a submissive, and I asked her how her Dom would feel about that. She said "He pretty much does what I tell him to do.""

My jaw dropped and I typed, "What???"

He goes, "Yeah".

"Geezus!" I typed

He goes on to say, "I asked her to explain that and she said "Being a dom is a privilege."

Typing that made me feel besmirched. I feel unclean. It makes me want to hang up my straps and take up knitting. I have to go wash my hands now...probably in acid....the dirt goes so deep.

Back now.... But of course it is a privilege to be Dominant. Not every body is cut out to be a dominant person, some can only do it with permission! But I took her meaning to be that of a submissive who isn't. It was so damn disrespectful it made me want to go out and smack some unsuspecting subbie.

Privilege. Bah.

This is the thinking of the current bdsm community. It sucks, it reeks of a reekiness. It is the beginning of the decline of bdsm as it was, as it should be. It is the thinking of those who are all about the safety nazis. It is the thinking of those who can not think for themselves and can only find what they think they are by reading sites dedicated to telling you what you can and can not do as a dominant and how much power you have as a submissive.

As my friend said, he can remember when submission was a NEED not a WANT. Too many people are now getting mixed up in it that should not be allowed out of their little padded cells. They are damaged souls, twisted minds and that does include both the dominants and the subs. This was a magnificent subculture that has now become main stream. And in doing so, it has attracted both the best and the worst of humanity. It is now where the submissives have set themselves up as the final arbitrators of what is allowed to with dominants. The Dominants have now become the toys of the submissives.

Raise yer hand if that sounds so very wrong to you....

NATURALLY, in the SSC and RACK and other capitalized words.....when one takes on a sub, there is that period of negotiation. We all need limits spelt out. But once agreed upon that should be where it ends. If you don't trust him/her, don't be there.

But, that won't work for the little safety nazis....nope, they want more and demand more. In return, they ruin it for everyone.

My boys have it easy. They either trust me or not. They submit or they do not. I make certain promises to them. They accept my terms or not. I'm not here to cater to their little whimpering egos or desire to control what I do. Once they hand off to me, that's it. Their only way to stop what is to befall them is to utter their safe word. A moment to rest, then a question: "are you ready to continue?" Yes or no decides the next moment.

she said "Being a dom is a privilege." No, being a truly submissive submissive is a privilege.

The Natural Dominant Male

If I knew words better I'd preface this statement I'm about to show you with grand statements of my own. Really tho, all I can say to you few who do read this is that the truth of this statement should change your life as it is relevant to the lifestyle. I'd like to think....well, I wish I were so pure:

The best submissives I have discovered and spent time with were found in non-lifestyle settings and were simply behaving like submissives and not claiming to be. It occurs to me that I have brought more submissives into the life than I have found in it. As a man who is consiberably more naturally dominant than conforming lifestyle dominant, I need to remember that my true satisfaction is to be found in expressing my nature as a leader, a teacher, a lover, an elder...and a warrior...in my family, my community, and my business associations. My identity as a testosterone-driven alpha male arises from within, and is not an artificial and external role.

The "social aspect" or "community element" of the lifestyle, the parties, the munches and sloshes, all of that... is for men who need some setting or context in which to "act out" being a dominant male, with willing participants who will cooperate with the act, play the corresponding role, and artificially validate or confirm the man's charade in an organized roleplay or ritualized interaction.
A naturally and genuinely submissive female, with NO knowledge or experience of 'the lifestyle', instinctively recognizes me for what I am. She reacts to the scent of testosterone and pheremones, the control in my voice, the measured body language, the look in my eye. Her perception of me is untainted by the stereotypes or expectations of a dominant male that are imposed by a culture which provides a "norm" or "standard" for such a man to conform to. She is pliant and demure with me by nature, she defers to me because it feels right to do so, and my positive response to it is attention she craves on an instinctive level...genetically. The female wants to mate with the male who will give her the strongest offspring. Natural selection at the sexual level.
I am what the lifestyle gives beta males the context and dynamics to SIMULATE.
I will not engage in any interaction which leads me to be treated identically to those beta males who are trying to pass themselves off as what I am, and I won't be grouped with them or classified as one of them.
If you will read back through this a couple more times and meditate upon it before you form an opinion or respond, I believe you will wholeheartedly appreciate the real meaning of what I am saying.
Having said this, I think you might be one of a handful of people in the lifestyle who can actually understand and appreciate it.

'nuff said, I think.

Anticipatory service: what to do

It is a misleading title. I'm not sure I want to just blurt out what to do or how to learn about anticipatory service.

Oh, very well...if you insist. But you will need to make up your own mind as to how much you wish to know.

In a nut shell, anticipatory service is knowing what someone wants before they know they want it. British Airways has this down to a science but then, the British know the value of good service. After all, they have more or less perfected it. The Chinese and the Japanese also have excellent backgrounds in the use of such service....the Chinese especially...but it is the British to whom we look to for the main example.

There is much discussion between the merits of Anticipatory and Reactive service. Reactive service is one where a wish is made and the wish is granted. Much like going to a restaurant. Both styles have their merits and to exclude one type of service for another one is just silly. Life isn't that cut and dried.

To learn anticipatory service is to practice patience. Once you do that, most everything else will fall in place. To prepare, I suggest you study body language. Yup. The body will tell you most everything you want to know. Know what a 'tell' is? If you play poker, you may already know what it is. A 'tell' is a reaction on the part of the body due to some sort of stimulus. Lets use a common example. Eyes are said to be the window of the soul. Maybe, but they can tell us quite a bit about some one. Lets use the poker player as an example again yes? If he's not wearing shades, then, lets assume he's just been given the best hand he's ever had. The muscles in his face do not move.....after all, he's been playing a long time. There's not a twitch anywhere. But his eyes.....ah, his eyes. The pupil dialates. It is a pleasure reaction and if you were looking at him, you would notice....unless he's browned eyed. That's a tell. Others are facial movements, like a sort of twitch of a mucle near the mouth, the pursing of the mouth...even in how one exhales. You need to learn how to interpet what those mean which is why you need to study body language.

As an aside here...some of you will be able to apply this knowledge in your every day life to your benefit.

So, go to google and search for books on body language. It will be of great help. Depending on your dominant, you may wish to pick up books on table service, lay out and such. Pick up books on protocol. A book of etiquette is a given book to have in your personal library. Study these, they may help you to save your dominant from some faux pas. If any of you are former military, then a great deal of this will be old hat to you and of extreme usefulness. Apply this to your dominant. Observe them. If they smoke...learn to know when they will be about to light up and have your lighter ready. Know when they would like to have something to drink. Know when they are thinking of having a snack and have the snack ready before they even ask. You have to think ahead....plan. Know. We really are creatures of habit. It should be fairly easy.

Sometimes we will fool you. But don't let it throw you. Be as the reed, bend as the wind blows. If you have applied your studies, you will have forseen this event and will be able to put plan b into action.

But your service is not all anticipatory. It is reactionary as well. It is a mix of the two. It is for you to make it as seamless as possible. It will be a never ending learning process. I suggest also keeping a note pad in your pocket. There will be guests....and fine service is also anticipating their needs as well. You are a reflection of your Dominant you know.

I know this sounds like an awful lot to learn. At first, it is. You have to absorb what the books are telling you, then putting it in to practice. It is a never ending lesson. You should never become compliant. Life will test you. Your Dominant will test you. It is up to you how you answer.

All you have to do is observe and wait. The answer is there.