Jake

Those of you who know me in real life know about Jake....or as he is better know as: Master Jake. There is a saying: "Dogs have owners, Cats have slaves." Well.....I'm a slave to Master Jake. Not always a good one, but he's never punished me by hacking up a hairball on my pillow or where I could step on it.

You can see his picture I hope. Handsome fellow I think even though one of his ears is damaged. He is just a big balled tom cat prowling around the neighbourhood here. He's getting a little weathered now from losing a couple of fights recently. My friend heard some cats fighting the other night and went to go look and found out it was Jake being beat up on by some orange brute. He broke it up...but Jake wouldn't come to him. His little dog, kept bugging Jake, but Jake wasn't having anything part of it. He runs inside, and wakes me up at 5am...... "Jake's been in a fight and he won't come when I call" I dimly remember rolling out of bed and wandering outside on a Sunday morning calling for Jake. I give it the old college try for about 5 min and then go back to bed. Jake doesn't come home for a day....then when he does come in, he buries his face in his feed bowl for 15 min.

Naturally, we are very worried as neither of us know how badly Jake was slapped around. He's losing some weight too. So, what do I do? I go out and buy him a case of his favourite food: Friskies Turkey and Cheese sliced dinner. I also make sure that I don't run out of his favourite dry food.....which is also Friskies.

I also score him a bag of catnip.

This is Jake when he's at his most adorable. Yup, eyes shut, mouth shut. Quiet. He's not at the door demanding to be let out. He's not at his food dish making a mess. He's not in his litterbox making us all run out of the house.

I gotta tell you. Once some friends were over and one of them picked up Jake and sort of squeezed him. Jake burped.

It was this TOXIC cloud. He dropped Jake and we all ran.

ah...Love is wonderful from a nice distance.

Upwind.

sacrilege

Submissives have all the power.

There, I said it. I'll say it again for those of you who do not believe their eyes.

Submissives have all the power.

I imagine most of you will now demand that they take away my 'Sadist' title and make me give back my cane.

Bah.

C'mon, you know we can do NOTHING without their permission. You know that they can end a scene, session, play at ANY POINT they wish simply by using their safe word or signal. If we go beyond that its what......say it with me.....

"Assault".

Yup.

Anytime you do something without permission its assault. Though according to Indiana law and a few other states (I think) even if you are given permission its still assault. It has something to do with battered wives. Don't get me started about that.....as I'd personally love to beat each husband who beats his wife and kids. I'd love to treat him to an hour of my tender mercy. Oh yes.....an hour would just be long enough.

Now, I was saying that submissives have all the power. They exchange that power with their chosen Dominant. It is a trust.

On the other hand....

A safe word is an illusion.

More sacrilege I know. When I tell my boys this it scares them spitless.....yet they still give their submission to me eagerly. Why? They love the fear.

I use this analogy a lot. "Think of me as a rollercoaster. I will take you though peaks and valleys and spin you around. I will take your breath away and make you scream....then I will bring you safely to the end."

Is good yes?

Odd thoughts running though my head...

I was sitting here a moment ago, playing a game....(I'm very fond of Bejeweled 2, I love the explosions), when the oddest thought went though my mind.

Has there ever been a comedienne that was also a Dominatrix? I mean, how odd would that be? Would she come out in all leather and chains? Would she walk and swing a flogger, whip, cane, paddle as she told jokes? Would we laugh because we didn't dare NOT laugh?

I know yer wondering what kinda drugs I might be on to be having thoughts like that. Like you would get so luck to have so simple an answer. I have these thoughts because I can.

Its a female thing.

So many in this lifestyle are so ultra serious, like we aren't allowed to laugh. You should ask my subs if sometimes I'm flogging them or something and will make a funny remark. They laugh and they groan, laugh and whimper. They know its ok to laugh. My subs also know that there is the humourous laugh....and the smaller wickeder laugh when they know their pain amuses me.

I've had some of them tell me that their previous Domina, didn't allow laughing that everything was just so ...so serious. How can one not laugh at what we do sometimes? I have fun when I work a sub. I laugh and joke as I do my thing. Mind you, not all the time.....I do not wan them getting distracted so I do the joke thing as I am warming up. Later on, yes I am very serious but mainly because I am busy watching them, listening to them and enjoying their reactions.

I do wonder though about how serious we do get sometimes. In the initial interview proceed I give each new sub, I sometimes ask how their search has been going. Some have told me that they have met some Dominas who have mistook rudeness for dominance.

"Oh gee, I'll impress with subbie by being rude and demanding to the wait staff here..." There is something seriously wrong with that thinking. What makes them think that rudeness is impressive? I don't understand! Someone explain it to me!

In short words please.

I'm no angel.....

Ok....ok....I hear enough of you going, "She's got that right....!"

I'm human. My poo smells, my hair gets messy if I don't wash it....we won't mention pits. I'm just like everyone else. I make mistakes. Sometimes I make what OTHERS think are mistakes.

I may disagree in principle but I understand why one would think I made a mistake.

Someone one told me something about someone I know and like. It was said while I was talking about a matter of inappropriate touching and scene interruption. What they said was so outrageous that I HAD to ask the person it was said about if anyone had complained to them about it. They were shocked to find out that someone thought this way and mentioned it to someone else who asked me what I said to upset the first person and then they asked the person I was talking to about it who DENIED saying it until it was shown to them that YES, they had indeed said such a thing.

So instead of addressing the issue at hand which was a matter of inappropriate touching, attention was diverted away by bringing another's name into the mix, effectively changing the subject and adding to the drama!

But then they LIED to the person about what was said about them, a baldface lie......and they HAD to know I had just mentioned it as they then came back to me and chewed me a new asshole.

Not that I didn't deserve it.

But, they just flat out LIED about it. Do you believe that shite?

Yah, I know, if I hadn't said anything then my friend would not have known anything.....but the complaint was just so......ludicrous I had to say something. I told.......NOT to make issues, not to cause trouble but because someone made that complaint about one I do not believe deserved it.
And that's all I got to say about that....

Maybe not....

AS it was, the reason I was talking to them anyway was to address the issue of some unwanted attention to a female sub. I don't care how many years of experience a dom has......you do not break into a scene unasked unless there was some sort of danger...and baby, there was no danger except from the dom leaping into the scene.

Would you believe the next day he is in a chatroom bragging about something he only wished he knew about regarding that sub? How......uncouth....how....crass.

Predators Amongst US ..... The Online Predator By LrdAzrael (APeX)

I found this while doing some reading and thought it was one of the best descriptions of a Dangerous Dom/me or Predator I had seen. No one will fit all of the profile but if they fit too many.....RUN. Also, at the end of this post is part of something else I found. Keep in mind, this is from SOMEWHERE else...it is not about anyone I know of.

The Online Predator

By LrdAzrael

The following is a composite profile of an Online Predator. This profile was compiled by a number of submissive women for use by submissive women. It is written from the perspective of a submissive female whose nature requires her to respond to a dominant male.

The Online Predator

Definition : The Online Predator is one who uses the mechanisms of cyber space to hunt human beings with the intent to exploit, rob, plunder and pillage their body, mind, heart and soul.

Characteristics of a Predator:

1. Liar: (Self explanatory)
2. Deceiver: His self situation is presented as other than what it is.
3. Betrayer: He is likely to break trust.
4. Insecure: He is worried that others will be faithless.
5. Inconsistent: He will say one thing while doing another.
6. Lacking Honor: Usually while protesting that he has honor.
7. Lack of Respect: He will tend to denigrate others.
8. Transient: He is unlikely to have many long term friends.
9. Manipulator: He calculates and contrives for his own benefit to the detriment of his partner.
10. Secretive: He will tend to cloak himself and his activities.
11. Charming: If he could not steal your breath away, he would not be a successful hunter.
12. Selective: He will pick victims carefully, looking for weaknesses and filling those voids completely.
13. Chameleon: He will appear to fit any need perfectly and adapt to fill any desire.
14. Lacking in Self Control: At times, he may have extraordinary self control and discipline, a predator probably exhibits these characteristics in all aspects of his life. It may be that the only place the predator seems to have honor and value "Truth" is in the "Relationship" he is developing with his victim.

CAUTION

When developing a new relationship, make a conscious effort to observe your partner's interaction with others, not just how he interacts with you. The predator may well reveal his true self through his interactions. But, you may only see this revelation if your are committed to taking every precaution for your own safety.

Predator Warning Signals:

While any of these phrases or actions may be acceptable in a given context, pay close attention when seeing or hearing them.

Phrases:

1. Do not tell ____________ .
2. (_______) is crazy! (or psycho, sick, a liar, or out to get me)
3. It would be best if you no longer spoke to _________.
4. I do not need to defend myself against lies.
5. They are just jealous (of me, of us, of what we have, that you have me).

Actions:
1. May seldom be in the D/s chat rooms. Operates from other areas or private rooms.
2. Has personal information which is incomplete or not verifiable.
3. Becomes defensive, angry or in denial when questioned.
4. Questions the sincerity of the submissive when questioned.
5. He will usually discourage or forbid the practice of reference checks.
6. He will usually discourage or forbid the use of Safe Calls.

The Submissive's Personal Warning Signals:

These are items that a submissive should pay attention to if she is saying them to herself or hearing them from others.
1. I feel he is just too good to be true.
2. You are hearing consistent warnings from more that one person.
3. Your instincts are whispering " something is not right about this person ".

Summary:

The final best defense any submissive has against an Online Predator is her own common sense and judgment. The submissive should always remember that desires, needs, and the heat of the moment can combine to drown that judgment. Always take a moment to step back, take a deep breath and look at a potential partner with common sense and not with passion.

Note: ALWAYS ask for references from other submissives and check them!

Part Two: From the House of De Sade website:

"RED FLAGS"

Red Flags are people who are vague, talk in circles or answer questions with questions. They use fancy footwork, excuses or evasive maneuvers. Be very cautious with these types of people. They may have been hurt and are cautious themselves or may be playing hard to get. They may not be someone you should continue communication with. IF they cannot be honest with you from the start, then don't count on them to be honest in real time. Trust is crucial in the BDSM lifestyle. This could be a key indicator that the person is not worthy of being your Dominant.

Possible "Red Flags" To Think About:

1. Changes screen names constantly?
2. Demands you to call him "Master" in a PM or private room only?
3. Converse with you in PM only? Tells you not to mention that you have been speaking to each other?"Hides Out" when online (is always invisible).
4. Only converses with you from their work computer?
5. Insists on having your full name and telephone number, but refuses to give you theirs?
6. Isolates you from your friends or tells you that your friends lie about him.
7. Become defensive or angry when questioned or questions the sincerity of the submissive when he's questioned.

Watch out for inappropriate attitudes such as: "The Bow Down And Worship Me Cause I Say I Am Dom Syndrome" who acts as if every submissives MUST obey every self-proclaimed Dominant (especially him) and begins giving orders or grilling the submissive from the very beginning. He will probably exhibit this behaviour in real time.

The predator will use his considerable charm to decieve and use the vulnerability of a submissive to his advantage. He will use their lack of self-esteem to gain a hold over her. He will attack her trust in him and she will lose the ability to trust herself and her own feelings or judgements. He may attack those who try to enlighten the intended victim by using, "They Are Jealous Of What We Have". Even though what he is teaching her is incorrect, she is now at the point of believing everything he says!

Male or Female submissives are NOT obligated to answer every IM you receive. If you receive an IM that is insulting, rude, demanding, abusive or vulgar: PLACE THAT PERSON ON IGNORE. If they are not your Dominant, you are not obliged. New subs think they need to answer everything self proclaimed demi god that IM's them. If they insist on being pushy and do not take the hint after you have ignored them or they follow you. Log off. Go cool off a while.

Never EVER give out your personal information to someone you don't know!

Trust your instincts if they are saying something is not right about this person. Your common sense is your best defense! Never be swept away in the fastasy so that you lose touch with reality. It is easy to allow one's body and heart to over rule common sense when the need for submission is so strong!

In this lifestyle we need to not look out only for our safety but also help in guarding the safety of others. We have a responsibility to our community to present education on Safety. The Predator is not gender definite. Sad but true. They can be both sexes. Lets look at 2 examples and see where the commonalities show up.

Example #1 - Is A Male Pretending To Be A "Mistress" One such case was a "Self Proclaimed Dominant/male submissive" Named "*** Dom**" from the UK. He is very charming, married and a salesman who states a desire to move to the USA. He would frequent the chat rooms as "Mistress Fake Name**" hunting for "Gay Women" whom he thought would be quick and easy prey. He claimed to have no self pictures, microphone or webcam as a "Mistress"...but had many male pictures for when he is Dominant or submissive. He coerced women into performing sexual acts via NetMeeting, MSN and Yahoo!. His favourite hoobby is collecting nude photos. He used sob stories such as his wife "Little Miss Vanilla" left him. He can adapt to any situation.

Example #2 -SmartAss Extraordinaire
"***Subbie**" A 50ish "submissive" From The Southwest. Married, Dishonest about her age and physical appearance (Uses daughters or old pictures), Constantly disrespectful and rude in most rooms, Uses the sob story technique..."i just want to escape my present situation" or the "Poor me, my last relationship ended because HE was a liar, i was abused, hurt, etc. Husband has Illness"...etc as a way of luring Dominants. When she does not get her way, she begins to harass others by giving out their personal information, threatened family members by harassing phone calls. Mean while she's trolling under various nicks which she usually says is her "daughter's nicks". She's often paranoid thinking "people are hacking or stalking her.

Submissives that portray things in a skewed fashion just to gain sympathy are just as guilty of being predators.

Does either have a sense of what BDSM means?

Touching and the single submissive.

I was going to make this post about predators and how to spot them.

I changed my mind. It's allowed. After all....

I'm female.

I was talking with my buddy over dinner the other night. We were discussing some recent incidents that a lady friend of his went though. This friend of his is a sub who has had some problems with inappropriate touching. Now I agree she is a cuddly bundle that is just nearly impossible NOT to want to be close to. Still, one of the first rules of anywhere is "Thou shalt not touch without permission" My friend suggested the sub have some mace or pepper spray ready.

Makes sense to me. Touch me, draw back a nub, get a face full of pepper spray.

But I'm not a submissive. Most know I do not like to be touched period. If I don't like to be touched, damned if I am going to touch someone else. Some will touch a sub that has no Dom because they think they can. This includes Dom/mes as well....naughty naughty.

Wrong.

Subbies: If you don't want to be touched make sure that the Dominant doing it understands that NO means NO. Raise your voice. Call attention to the situation ASAP. Call the host over. If it is the host being inappropriate, call over a friend. If you do not have a friend there,...GET OUT. What the hell were you doing there anyway? Technically, the host of any sort of event IS your protector and you are to go immediately to him or her for assistance. But what ever you do, DON'T remain silent. You do no one a service by remaining silent. If it happens to you, it can happen to someone else and you have a duty to end it then and there before it happens to anyone else. Speak out then.

"But oh", you tell me. "I did tell that Dom no but he didn't pay me any mind. What do I do then?"

Ok, I'll play your silly ass game. Go to the host. Go straight to the host, do not pass go, do not collect an audience. Make sure you are heard. Make sure you are heard in a calm rational manner. Don't make it a drama. Try to be a class act even when they are not.

Now, that being said let me say that I understand that some submissives are reluctant to say anything because they think it is disrespectful to correct a Dominant. I commend you for your gentle heart but kick you in the ass for being stupid. You might be in a place where you think it would be very disrespectful to say anything at all. However, whether or not you are in a private club or home...it is your duty to your fellow submissives to quietly call attention to the situation. The rules are in place for a reason. They are there to protect YOU and to protect the Dominant.

Some submissives are too timid to speak up. They are afraid if they rock the boat someone will kick them out of the boat or that they will not be seen as "real". There is no such thing as "real". "Real" is a buzz word to try and pigeonhole people. Some submissives are new to the scene and some just think they have to take whatever a Dominant does. This post is for those of you that are timid or afraid. If anyone gets their panties or boxers in a twist about you making a fuss about something YOU feel is important, then you do not need to be with that group of people. Regardless of how it appears there are other places you can go. Study that group. Ask questions. Do your homework!

Dominants have to be protected from the occasional subbie as well. Even I don't think there are innocent submissives in EVERY case. We usually don't hear too much about that, but it does happen. Some submissives are nut cases. The idea behind the rules is to CYA. Cover Your Ass. The idea is to have fun, but when you have so many different people with different outlooks, it is safer to learn to keep one's hands to themselves and ask permission no matter what your persuasion is or even how well you think you know that particular submissive or Dominant. Permission given ONCE does not give you permission later that evening, later that day, later that week, etc.

Use yer common sense.

More confused than ever...

A curious thing has happened, O, my friends.

Now tell me: if you knew that you are on a particular list and had known about it since last year yet just went on with the same ole behavior even after people who like you try to help you change your ways, wouldn't you at LEAST make the effort to change?

Our Mr Messy didn't.

Curious don't you think?

Back to the tale.......

Seems there was a few witnesses to attest that ursula had indeed told Mr Messy that he could not come to a playpen function. This was said infront of the Prince. ursula denies she did anything or said anything. The Prince did say she said it, the Princess has given the impression that ursula did not say he was prohibited from attending the playpen affair.

Oy vey.... what is the old saying? What a wicked web we weave when we practice to deceive.

If there is a truth, it is this: SOMEBODY told him he couldn't attend.

Who was it! 'fess up!

Now all the evidence points to ursula. She says no, someone who would know says she did, the Prince says she did, the Princess has given the impression ursula didn't!

Will the truth ever be really known? Will you people get yer story straight?

Will we care? Or will everyone just say that nothing of the sort ever happened and that there was an email malfunction or summat?

End of this bit of the tale.....


Next bit will be on something everything subbie should know.... male or female.

More probing

ok, Where did I leave off?

Oh ya....

The Prince says he knew about the messy guy and the list of mess people

Ok, back on track....

This midsize town has a little town newsletter....with a lot of subscribers. One day, up pops this notice that some people have told someone else they can't come and play with the others. It said that only the Prince and Princess and a couple of others can tell people they can't come play in their playpen anymore.

"Wowsers" said Ms Matron. "What is going on here?"

So off trots Ms Matron to ask the Prince what the heck is going on. "Welp", says the Prince, "seems that ursula told a messy dom that he was ban from coming to our playpen."
"No way!" Ms Matron says.
"Yes way". says the Prince. "Someone else also tried to ban someone from coming to the playpen as well...but I don't remember who".
"Wow!" say Ms Matron who is thinking that she just might have to ask ursula about this. Ms Matron is a guardian of the newsletter and wants to make sure that things are on the up and up.

Ms Matron goes over to see ursula and ask a few questions.

"Yo! ursula, what is going on in your neck of the woods?" asks Ms Matron, thinking this is a good way to get around to asking questions.
"Have you been a bad ursula?", Ms Matron asks?
"Aren't I always?", replies ursula.
"More than usual this time I thinks", says Ms Matron, "I hears ya got summat to do with the playpen banning."
"I do?" says ursula oh so innocently, "Lemme check the mailbox and see what's in there!""Wow!" says ursula, "there use is a lot in here. But ain't my place to tell someone not to come to the playpen! I don't talk to Mr. Messy now and I ain't gonna talk to him! All my issues with Mr Messy has been told to the Prince and he's going to handle it!"
"Great!", says Ms Matron, "glad to know you are not involved!" But Ms Matron knew something was up as the Prince specifically said that ursula talked to Mr. Messy and now ursula says that she hasn't said anything to him. Someone be tellin a big ole fib...but who could it be? Ms Matron knows it couldn't be the Prince because while he's many things, he's not a fibber. Ms Matron doesn't know ursula all that well, but she feels sort of sorry for her following a rather lengthy tale of woe.

So, puzzled, Ms Matron goes to see the Prince."Yo, Prince!", she yells, "I am in a puzzlement about summat!"
"What is it?", ask the Prince.
"Welp, I talk to ursula about Mr Messy and...", starts off Ms Matron.
"You did what!" yells the Prince, "You shouldn't have done that!"

Let me take a moment here to state that Ms Matron is not all that. Some think she is but, she ain't perfect. Some times she's just plain nosy but she keeps what she knows to herself. When things do not add up is when she starts asking questions...though sometimes she'll just throw something out there to see what bites. Ok? Ms Matron ain't Miss Thang, ya know?

Ok,

"You did what?" yell the Prince. "You shouldn't have done that!"
"I wanted to know!" yells back Ms Thang, er....Matron. "Some body be lying and well, I know it ain't you!" She added."That ursula, she said she ain't said nuthin' to no one. Now what is going on?" Ms Matron ask in puzzlement.
"Heck if I know", says the Prince, "but I am real disappointed in your big mouth running on about all of this", and the conversation turns to other things.

A little while afterwards, Ms Matron gets a notice that her services as a guardian are terminated. "Well, can't say I'm all surprised by that" she thinks. She then tries to go to the newsletter place and find that lo and behold its doors are closed to her!

"What the heck?" Ms Matron thinks, "what is this all about! And all of this without a word why. Most decent folk would at least have said summat some reason! Oh well, I've been thrown out of worse places". With that she then turns her mind to the main point of this little exercise.

Ms Matron ponders a moment then decides to ask one of Mr Messy's friend about all of this. She asks Daisy find out the truth of what really happened between ursula and Mr Messy and did ursula really say all that she said to him and then to come back and let her know because she'd like to know the truth if anyone actually knows anymore.

There was something else going on at the same time as this.....something that happened at one of the play times in the playpen. Something that the truth of which has yet to be unraveled. The prince is also worried about someone trying to overthrow the throne.....

So our detective Ms Matron waits for some answers to our mysteries.....

So begins the tale....

The title of this little spot is Story time. I suppose I should get down to telling one shouldn't I?

*ahem*

In a castle, far, far away there was.....
Wait....this is the Midwest, no castles here....and wrong sort of story.

*ahem*

Once there was a squid who lived by the sea.....
opps.... there are similarities between this story and that one.....same sort of ending, or was it a beginning? A moot point and I'll moot it later.

*ahem*

In a small town just outside of a much larger town there lived a person of the female persuasion who styled herself as a submissive....

(now I'm on the right track...)

She had some personal issues (as do we all) and things had not been so wonderful for her. Still she managed to make it on her own which say a great deal for that part of her character. Let's call her ursula (think Little Mermaid and you get the idea). ursula is at this point a very innocent player in all this. She frolicked with others in their play pen, ate when they did, slept when told to. All in all, things were just great.
One day ursula meet with a person of the male persuasion who wanted to to be his submissive! Yah, that's wonderful and just want she had always wanted. She got a bit of a surprise with that particular male as he was not very neat. Bad man, bad bad bad! So she left. Sometime afterwards she mentions this to one of the large town Dominant ladies and she's told that that particular male is known to very messy, that he's on a list of messy type Dominant people! The shock, the idea, oh me or my!!!

(Remember dat list, its important.)

One day, ursula lets slip to a Dominant lady in a midsize down that is up from the much larger town that a list of messy people is around and that someone who has frolicked with them is on it!
"oh my!" said the Dominant lady we'll call Ms Matron, "does the Prince know?" "I dunno" said ursula, "Let call him on the conference line and ask him"

So they get the Prince on the conference line and he goes, "Yes, that messy fellow is on that list. I've talked to him and told him he shouldn't be messy"

"Ok," says the pair and and hangs up.

All seems to be well in the midsize town for a while....

More later.....

...and it all comes pouring out

This is a hell of a way to start blogging. Someone makes me angry and to avoid ripping their head off....I write about it. Then again, I think a lot of people begin things like this simply to get things off their chest. It is so much healthier.

For me at least.

I intend to tell the truth.

It is going to be interesting to see if the truth can be handled.