Tops that need to bottom and the tops that hate that. & a little rant too

For the longest time the leather culture has used a mentoring process for advancement. I have seldom heard or read where someone just jumped into the scene as a top. What I have read, is that all or most tops were bottoms, the length of time serving being determined only by their top and the bottom's ability to learn and adapt.

I belong to a group who's leadership looks down or askance at those tops who have bottomed. They loudly proclaim that they will never kneel to anyone. They have no idea of what a bottom feels and their minds are closed to knowing.

I need to correct myself. SOME of the leadership looks down at those who have bottomed and is now in a leadership position. It is like they expect that person to fall back into a sub or bottom mode at any given moment.

Fer fucks sake.....you lot are hand in hand with the leather community! A great many of you are part of a national leather group. How can you justify that view of those who have bottomed!!??? All of the well known leather folk in the country have bottomed and may still do so. They write book and more books on the need to start at the bottom so that one becomes a better top.

But, in all fairness, they do not proclaim to be leather folk....though they wear the vests, the leathers chaps and a cover. I look at this and I jjust shake my head. What are they afraid of? Do they think they know it all? Do they understand what a sub or bottom feels?

No. They ain't got the least damn idea of what it feels like to submit. I think they are afraid they might like it. They might worry that they are going to lose dom points or something. Femdoms don't like to because there is a tiny nagging fear that they might not be able to regain that control....and lose what status they have gained. Some worry that they might like it too much as well. It is the rare person that can accept another's dominance over them. I used to see it in all those silly arse romance books I used to like.

C'mon.......romance books are great for a laugh. Helpless women, strong dominant women. Vanilla chicks just love that! As escapism reading! All those men in the books are very much dominant alpha males with stiff necks, never kneeling....always in control even as the violence of his love/hate for the woman unfolds. Only she can bend his stiff neck and bring him to his knees. What tripe...but also what a training ground.

Anyway, its is written and generally acknowledged in the leather community that everyone starts at the bottom...that it will help make a great master. In other communities, anyone can just show up and deem himself a master, untried, untested....and in my humble opinion....unsafe. Lord Sir Master High Mucky Muck, a self proclaimed master with what little knowledge he has gleamed from porn sites and various bdsm websites full of touchy feely crap, decides that he knows it all. Stuff many of us have spent years learning about and are still learning other things, this idiot is out there telling everyone who will listen to him that he knows it all and we should all bow to his wide hairy ass.

We, as a community should kick it all the way back to the hole s/he climbed out of. I'm sure the leather folk, if s/he had the nads to go to one of their club would have knocked him/her down and peed on him/her. The general bdsm community just smiles and lets him/her wade in and do whatever harm s/he can do. You can't really blame the idiot. S/He had no clue. We just clean up after him or her.

With that said, that is mostly how I came into being. In 1981 I answered an ad in a local paper that served the alternative community in Tampa, Florida. This person and his wife were looking for a service slave. I answered this man, met him in a McDonald's (I think) and served a period of some 3 months. I enjoyed most of my time serving. My limits were sexual service and disfigurement. Other than that, I had to trust him and her. Sometimes I would make mistakes and was punished. It wasn't erotic or anything like we see now. It fucking hurt...and I'd cry and vow never to repeat that mistake. Usually I didn't. I watched and I listened and I obeyed. I learned to be a servant and I like it. I was useful.....and that is what I think is missing so much these days. Thanks to the net, all anyone sees if people being pounded on. Its a big part of why I have narrowed my interests to English style corporal punishment and domination.

At the end of my time in their service, I decided that it would not do for me to keep this up. I liked them fine, but I was having more and more issues with complete submission. That's not a pleasing trait in a slave. So I left. I struck out on my own and would answer ads for subs or bottoms looking for someone to beat them. I had a huge interest in punishment.

Long story short, I evolved. I found that more and more I disliked bondage and that I had a very deep sadistic side. I can tell you that my sadistic side was never of a sexual nature. It was like a hobby. I inflict pain for the pure pleasure of the gasp or moan...or scream. It improved my body language skills....and just my skills in general. Canes are still a major love though. It comes from my love of the English and the Victorian/Edwardian periods.

I'm drifting from my tirade about tops that never bottomed.

You will find that those who take their guidelines from a series of book about a fantasy book for men have the stiffest necks and least tolerant view of bottoming of all in this life. Some, are open minded. Many are not. I ain't gonna say anymore on that. I think I may have made my view on that way back in my archives.

I think, that we, as a community need to keep tabs on those dominants that spring fully formed from the pages on the web. Dumbinants? *snicker*

That's my view, right or wrong.....

'nuff said

What's it all about subbie?

The most common thing I have ever noticed is that most everyone seems to think that being 'in the lifestyle' means that one must know how to take a beating.

This simply isn't true.

What is true, is that one must be willing to accept punishment.

"But, but.....", you stutter, "Why is that the only thing we ever see in regards to this?" Well, it is certainly the most attention grabbing that's for sure. Most every website you go to will be all about various means of making you squirm in discomfort, especially if you are aroused by subbies being forced to provide sexual stimulation to their master or mistress. Actually, most people are attracted to the sexual aspect of it. I turn down and am turned down by people who expect me to punish them by some sort of sexual turn on. I don't think so.

The exceptions are mostly for forced feminization. Sissy training usually involves more humiliation than actual beatings. There are, of course, exceptions to this, indeed, with most everything I have stated thus far. But, if stated them, this blog would end up as long as the web itself.

Most people overlook service training.

"Huh?", you say.

Don't grunt, it's not nice. Service training is so much more involved. You need actual intelligence to know how to go into such training. Any one can be beaten. Not everyone can go into service. For that, you need your wits around you. You need to know etiquette. You need to know time management. And, you need patience...and in most cases you get to keep somewhat dressed.

It's been written, in a book of bdsm erotica, that the hardest thing for a slave to learn is patience. This is true for most of us in general. It is often overlooked by many. We are a 'right the fuck now' culture. Its like we expect our slaves/subs/bottoms to know what we are thinking or what to expect even when we know they know absolutely nothing. It seems we expect them to absorb it by divine touch when they decide they want to explore bdsm.

"Get to the punishment part already! That's hot!"

One of the first rules of thumb for a dominant should be that they need to have control over themselves before they attempt to exert control over another. They should never hit someone when they are angry. They should never hit their sub when under the influence of something mind altering. They should never touch anyone when they are ill or the s/s/b is ill. This is all common sense people. But common sense isn't very common at times. Have control over yourself first before taking control of someone else. Don't make me come after you.

So again...service is often overlooked by people because its not as flashing as being able to show off your flogging skills or whip skills or any other skills you might have. But a properly train service s/s/b will be there to take your coat, fetch your drink, rub your shoulders/feet/etc and is 100 times more valuable than the body on a cross.

And you get to punish them if they mess up.

"YES!", you shout, "Punishment!!! yes!"

You ingrate, why should I waste my time trying to teach you anything useful..........

Punishment or the threat of it is essential in the training of a service s/s/b. C'mon, think about it. If it were a paying job, and if any of you are in the service industry (you should know this) fail at the job and you are punished maybe by being sacked or demoted or pay cut. Its no less painful than if your boss took a cane to you. Maybe worse if you are a sensitive sort of person or if you really need that paycheck..... You need to know that failing in your service to whomever could result in some sort of dire punishment.

"But you beat people," you say, "You have a list of bad boys that you punish".

Of course I do. They are bad and I punish them for what they have done wrong. Its a dirty job (maybe I should call that hunk from the tv show "Dirty Jobs"....) and someone has to do it. Why shouldn't that person be me?

'nuff said

The romance of it all..........

I am, I must confess, a romantic.

I try to hide it, make jokes, behave immaturely, but deep down in my soul I get all misty eyed and sigh alot.

Case in point. There is this little movie with J.Lo and Richard Gere called, "Shall We Dance?" At the end of the movie, there is this song playing "book of love" and Gere comes up an escalator in a tux carrying a single red rose. He and his wife talk a couple of moments and he asks her to dance with him. Then they do.....slowly and gently. Her 2 assistants look on and are also lost in the romance of the moment.

*sigh* I can't dance but wouldn't it be so romantic to just be held and just sway to the music in the soul?

THEN.......I got a new book...where one of the most romantic thing I've ever read (except for some poetry written for me) just made me cry.

It is the new book by L. K. Hamilton, "A Lick of Frost". In it, Merry and Frost are in bed talking. He tells her of how he came to being and the one woman he loved before her. He was married to her and because he is immortal and she was not, he had to watch her age. He said that her love had made him real.

He loves Merry with a great fierceness...so he told her that story. Then Hamilton writes:

He came to his knees and put his hands on my armsn, and stared down into my face. "I will love you always. When this red hair is white, I will still love you. When the smooth softness of youth is replace by the delicate softness of age, I will still want to touch your skin. When your face is full of the lines of every smile you have ever smiled, of every surprise I have seen flash through your eyes, when every tear you have ever cried has left its mark upon your face, I will tresure you all the more, because I was there to see it all. I will share your life with you, Meredith, and I will love you unitl the last breath leaves your body or mine.

I just sat there after I read that and boo hooed. If I were ever to marry someone, I want to say those words to him....or I rather he said those words to me. I can't ever imagine someone saying anything like that to me and MEANING it. At this time, I can't imagine ever saying that to someone and meaning it. But hope springs eternal and who knows.

I love romance. I am in love with being in love. I just wish I weren't such an emotional cripple with it. I am however, thanks to a dear friend able to live with someone without being quite so freaked out about it. It took me a year to relax actually, but afterwards, once I did, it started to feel very natural. I know that one day, I'd like to have a home of my own. I won't worry so much about what I'm going to do with my cat then. He needs to be settled....and he needs to be an only cat again.

Ok, I'll shut up about Jack already....sheesh.

'Home, home of my own, where the 'boys' and the kittycats all roam.....' Wha? I'm dreaming out loud.......gosh.

'nuff said