Tis the season to be.....

Ain't he just the cutest thing? I had to retire the thing on my keyring I had been carrying around with me for like....good god...nearly 20 yrs.
Wow.
I'm sure this little fellow will be the cause of some whispers and looks.......

Jake wasn't left out this holiday season..... Aside from all the ham he could eat.... Master Jake also enjoys his new toy guaranteed to drive me nuts from all the swishy noises that it makes!

You can't see from the photo he sort of lazily sticks his paw in the open side and pushs the ball around. He also sticks his tail in, his back paws and the blankies he's lying on. He'll grab onto the thing and just gnaw on it while pushing his back legs against it...... I'm not sure what he's trying to do, but it sure makes me laugh when I catch him at it.

How lucky am I that I have friends that know exactly what I like....and that I'm happy that the animals in my life are happy.

I'm damn lucky in my opinion......

Police raid home, seize B&D videos!

CONNECTICUT NEWS

Police Seize Woman's ComputersDecember 16, 2005 By KEN BYRON, Courant Staff Writer

ENFIELD -- Police are investigating a local woman who produced bondage and domination videos at her home and then sold memberships to customers who watched them on her website.Deputy Chief Carl Sferrazza said the Montano Road house was searched in November and that no charges have been filed against the woman, Michelle Silva. He would not say what kind of criminal activity is being investigated.
Sferrazza said investigators seized computers along with a number of other items, which he would not specify.He said police started investigating Silva early this year after neighbors complained of suspicious activity that included lots of traffic and people often coming to the house at night. Sferrazza said neighbors also saw a number of cars with out-of-state license plates.
The computers are being examined at state police forensic computer lab. Sferrazza said the outcome of that examination will determine what police do next. Silva said she obeyed all local and state laws in running the website and said the search violated her rights. "I'm upset and I'm confused," she said about the investigation.
Silva said customers bought memberships through her website, on which she calls herself Empress M, that let them watch bondage and domination videos on the site. She said she produced all the videos at her home, except for one that was made in Arizona by another producer and which she paid for. The models in the videos were paid, Silva said.
Daniel Silver, Silva's New Britain lawyer, said she has done nothing illegal and he has filed motions in Superior Court in Enfield seeking to have the computers returned to her.
"I have some basic First Amendment issues with that search," he said. "No one has been charged with a crime and the material that was seized is not contraband. The material may not be to my taste, but it is permitted."
Silva said the website was her sole source of support and the seizure of her computers has put her out of business. Although the website was still up Thursday, she said it cannot be modified until she gets her equipment back. She said she started the business in July 2004.

A year in review?

I've been seeing a number of people do their 'year in reflection'.
It amazes me they can see past their pile of crap to actually see the mirror AND once they do, how can they stand to see what is reflected back?

Oh yeah, I forgot....they are self-deluding. My bad....

My year in review is that it wasn't the worst of times, it wasn't the best of times. I pissed a lot of people off which didn't bother me one wit. Actually, more people needed pissed on rather than pissed off but I don't do toilet sports.

I made new friends, I found out just who were my friends were. I traveled a bit, I had the best times right here at home. It is actually interesting....my friends have very different ideas than I have about some things but we still get along because well....we don't judge the other one. Opinion is stated, debated and life goes on. No one has to agree with me. They simply have to be interesting and not an asshole.....or vice versa. You'd be suprised at how hard people like that are to find....especially within the lifestyle.

I was going to tell you about my weekend, which thanks to someone's mother just ROCKED! Thanks to everyone who was there iffen you see this. The weekend however, is just something I'm going to keep to myself though....though, I think next time I take off somewhere, Jake either comes with me or I get a cat sitter.

Ever see a cat sulk? It ain't pretty.

"Photograph"

There is this song by a band called Nickleback. It's called "Photograph". I imagine a few of you have heard it. Its a cool song.

My god, the memories it conjures up! While I do not remember much of my childhood, I do remember a lot of high school (I believe hell is a mix of junior and senior high school). This song does not remind me of my high school time. It does remind me of a time about 15 yrs ago...and a much closer time of 5 yrs ago.

Those were the best and worst years of my life.

The best parts were hanging around with my friends, listening to music, driving too fast, drinking too much.....and smoking too much of the wacky tobaccy. It was going to the beach just to watch the sun come up with yer best buddies and a special buddy.

I remember going there, at separate times....with 2 special someones. Its amazing how one can remember the sounds, the smells....the indignation when one of them is girl watching....and yer not the girl! But, I also remember the good times when it all seems to come together with the one yer with. It all ends though. Everything has to end.

One of my special someone's is dead though. I remember how I felt. That's all I have to say about that. The other one is still alive and well though. We talk now and then.

Itwasn't all good, it wasn't all bad. I miss my friends though, but value the ones I have now every bit as much.

"Look at this photograph! Everytime I do it makes me laugh........."

What the hell?

They say history is written by the victors.

Well, that sucks. That means we only get that one sided view of it.

The world as we know it has run amuck...amuck, amuck, amuck. There is acts of terrorism all over the world.

And for what? Why are these people hell bent on either converting us all to their religion or wiping us off the face of the earth? I don't 'feel' like a 'great' satan or that my country is a 'great' satan even if it does do things I do not approve of. Why are we considered that? Is the average American a satan? An American child? Is the average Joe Blow a 'great' satan? I don't understand.

I'm tired of hearing "death to Americans, death to America." What have I done to you oh, mr. terrorist?

This war. I don't recall being asked if I wanted to go to war. Why are we fighting a country when all we want is just the few people heading the government there and the terrorist organization?

We got their dictator out...let them rebuilt on their own. Hell. Haven't we've done enough and accomplished so little? No more.

The American people have said loud and long, "get the fuck out of there". You, George W., you work for us....shouldn't you listen?

To my friend over there now, I just want you guys home and safe.

Him/Herself as a title.....for the Irish in all of us!

The Irish have a way of referring to someone that I find unique and something worth emulating. It is referring to that person as Himself or Herself. "How is Himself this evening?" You immediately know that they are referring to someone they highly consider.

The reason I consider this worth something is that no one would be using that stupid phrase "my Sir/Ma'am" anymore. That is, if I could be influential in anyway. "girl, where is your Sir/Ma'am/Dominant/Master/Mistress at?" "Himself/Herself is having a cigarette with the others." While it may not be .... grammatically correct, it does have a certain 'air' about it. It would still sound better if they would refer to their dominant by his or her name rather than by a title. Less confusing.

I do not ever expect anyone to stop using that idiot phrase: my Sir/Ma'am, but wouldn't it be grand if they did?

'Course then, someone would be grousing about the use of Him/Herself.........

to dominant or not to dominate......

Are you a Dominate or Dominant?

How you spell it I think, determines if you are paying attention or simply don't know any damn better.

I have to admit that I used to use dominate. Spell check said it was ok....but that I needed to change the order of the words......ok.....now how did it want me to rearrange things?

Now, when I see people making the same damn mistake again and again.....AND again I want to slap them stupid.

Ooops, I'd be too late wouldn't I?

When you gently point out their mistake....and they say, "It doesn't matter. People know what I mean.", you want scream, "Yah idiot...they know you mean yer too stupid to know the difference!"

Sheesh.

I know, I know...I rant and rave about my sir, my ma'am and the stupid way it sounds and no one listened. I'll rant and rave about this and no one will listen.....

But they will know exactly what I think of them. Yup.

Dat's ok. They would be suprised at just how many people do agree with me. Now, I dunno if they agree with me because they think I'm going to whack them with my cane or that they recognized sound thinkin' when they hear it.

I'll tell ya....if you don't want to sound like yer a complete loser, remember this: You are a Dominant. What you do is dominate. I could go into verb, noun, blah blah but this is more simple: what you are, what you do.

I could give other rules, but simple usually works best.

________________________________

We had a birthday party for our Miss Pinky. What a blast! Something happened and I need time to digest it....so I can write about it later.

Oh, Jake got a new collar.....a spiked one. If I can get a decent picture of him wearing it I'll post it. Who ever heard of a camera shy cat?

Religion is bad for society

I had to share this because after this past week it seems so.....right.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/printFriendly/0,,1-2-1798944-2,00.html

God was his co-pilot........

I walked into the house on Wed. evening to find a yahoo message blinking at me....

"hi. where are you? are you watching about the plane?"

'Oh hell....oh god, oh no... please.....' were my first thoughts. Had terrorist struck again? I asked the messenger for more info: "What plane"

He messaged back to say a plane was having trouble landing and it was all over CNN, MSNBC, Fox...etc and that it was completely fascinating.

Ghouls I thought......the newsies are waiting for it to crash....and we are all going to have to watch these people die.

But no one died.

What I and countless others saw was the finest flying I had ever seen in my entire life. God must have been his co-pilot because the landing was perfect.....just perfect! Rubber burning, tire parts burning away, then sparks flying all over.....you just had to wonder.

I sat there on the edge of the seat and prayed every bit of the way down for all those people...when it came to a stop.....I laughed, I clapped....I shouted 'YEA, THAT'S the way to do it!' and I gave a prayer of thanks to all responsible. If I did that from sitting here safe in my living room....how did the people on board there feel!?!

It was incredible and I was just emotionally exhausted. That pilot, that crew.....I'd fly with them any day and sleep knowing I didn't have to keep the plane up with my shere will power. They deserve a great deal of thanks from their boss.

phew!

Indy Munch and the new rule....

I'm on the egroup for the Indy Munch. Sometimes I like to go there and meet old friends and new ones that come there because its inbetween where we live.

Not too long ago, they switched hostesses. She's got this new rule and apparently, she's the only one who knows about it because when she mentioned it in a post and the penalty for breaking it........goodness, what a mess. A number of people have stated they have no intentions of ever going back, coming to, or having anything more to do with the munch. And rightly so. I was offended to.

Its taken a number of days but I finally wrote the new hostess and asked "WTF"? Well, not in those letters but in spirit.

This is what I wrote:

This is the progression of what was said......with some minor edits.

Date: Wed Sep 14, 2005 10:08 am

Now a note on number three... At the IndianapolisMunch, you
will be kicked out and not allowed back forthe entire time I am hostess if you are caught talking to anyone outside of the munch (with the exception of restaurant staff, and you should really only be talking vanilla stuff or placing an order with them). There will be no warning, you will just be benned.

That certainly put some ruffled some feathers. Was certainly a rule I hadn't seen posted or anything. Its not even in the files on the munch egroup. If you hadn't mentioned this new rule how could we be expected to follow it even it was worded politely. Notice also that there is no mention of coming to ASK about speaking to vanillas.
Next post!

Date: Wed Sep 14, 2005 2:01 pm

Well, you see... We've had a problem in the past with members of the munch (and slosh) talking about BDSM to restaraunt patrons outside of the munch.
If you see a friend, I would suggest you come up to me and let me know that you're going to drop by their table to havea little chat. Because, if I see an attendee of the munch talking to someone outside of the munch (without warning), they will be banned as long as I am hostess... No questions asked.
-Isabella

Now as we see, we have to notify you before we talk to a friend. Now, considering the way JJ's set up, how are we going to know they are there unless we have already walked out? I suppose we are to turn around and come back in and wait to be noticed before we notify her that we see our friend sitting out in the main part of the restaurant....right.
Yes'sum

Date: Fri Sep 16, 2005 9:04 am


Hello all!
First, let me apologize. I freely admit that my communication via text sucks (I usually convey emotion/meaning through gesticulation, voice and facial expressions)! ;p That being said, feel free to engage me on the following topics in person:
When a patron asks what we are doing, please feel free to send them my way. While it might ruffle some feathers, I must ask that if you see someone you know (or care to compliment, in a non-sexual/sensual/inappropriate way, a patron ;p) that you come up to me beforehand, or afterwards and let me know. There is the possibility that if you don't let me know (either before or after) I will assume that you were engaging in inappropriate conversation and you will be banned.
So..... Do not engage patrons (outside of the munch) in BDSM related discussion.
And I'm not sure of any other way to put this so..... If you *do* engage patrons, outside of the munch, in BDSM/kink/fetish/inappropriate discourse you will be banned for as long as I am the hostess. I am doing this to protect the majority of munch attendees (you know, the ones with the common sense! :D) from losing another munch venue. I am also doing this to protect the part of society that is offended by us (they have to right to peacefully co-exist through blissful ignorance...).
I hope this clears some things up.
As always, if you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to drop me a line (via the list and/or my private e-mail box) and I will get back with you as soon as is possible.I look forward to meeting many of you tomorrow... See you at 6!
:)
-Isabella

ok....point one. if a patron/nilla asks what we are doing.....we send him or her back to the area where the munch is? Does anyone besides me see the logic in that....especially if there could be some that are a little bit worried about being 'outed' at all? Where is the respect for the munch patron's privacy?Also, I have yet to see a host/ess actually circulate amongst the guests at the munch. This is anywhere...not just Indy, but NIK, Kokomo, Anderson...and a some from way out of state.
Again, you state that you will assume one is up to no good. You all know what they say about assuming anything, yes?
The over all tone of this little missive is....almost, insulting. I frankly find it sarcastic and offensive...even though the beginning of it was humourous and promising.
Now, after all this time, I've pretty much made up my mind on the munch and the hostess, but the over all responses are entirely too interesting to just leave.
Now to the last response so far....

Date: Fri Sep 16, 2005 5:56 pm

Okelie dokelie....Well, hmmmmm.....It seems some folks are still confused, just a little, over some of the finer points of the new Indianapolis munch rule. So, without further ado I will make my points easy to read for those of you who like to skim... ;)

1) I was asked to be the hostess of the Indianapolis munch becauseI'm not afraid to do new things (I am one of the creators, founding members, and organizer for House of T***). This rule is one ofthose new things, and while it may create a lot of flak (please seenumber two)....

2) I am instilling this rule because I want the munch to be around for the new folks (young and old alike). My goal, while hostess, is to create a safe environment for *new* folks to show up and meetothers who may share similar interests. Getting complaints from avenue about inappropriate behavior from munch attendees and/or getting kicked out of a location (which has happened to the Indianapolis munch before) does not equal a safe environment.

3) I am not asking anyone to ask me for permission to speak.
I am asking for folks to give me a heads up when they are going to be/have been talking with patrons outside of the munch so that I know nothing inappropriate
is/was talked about. I assume that if you're comfortable enough to come up to me and let me know you were chatting, that nothing inappropriate was discussed. In short, this rule is intended to keep inappropriate people from acting inappropriately. If someone compliments you about something and you say "Thank you," that would be an example of polite behavior - and clearly not inappropriate.

4) For those of you who are sticklers for protocol (which describes me from time to time! ;p), I am not a submissive. I will even have my pet with me at this gathering...

5) The new rule never stated that a ban will be permanent. A ban, if any, will be upheld only for as long I am the hostess of the munch (unless the incoming host/ess decides to uphold a ban).

-Isabella

I want to know when this rule was mentioned to the munch group? Do we just absorb it via aura? How? Where and when did I miss this rule going into effect?

Somewhere back in all the posts, it was mentioned that some Dom and his buddies took it on themselves to try and recruit a tender young virgin. It was mentioned that this Dom still doesn't see what he did that was so wrong. GET rid of him if you want to nip it in the bud!

Why oh why, didn't someone hit him in the head with a 2x4? That is how you get the attention of a mule. Besides, if he's that damn stupid, you shouldn't want him in the group anyway and he should be BARRED from every coming to another one. No, he messed up and now those of us that like coming to the munch are bearing the brunt of it.

NIK or ALM had an issue with a dom that was inappropriately touching the wait staff. I would have bounced him out on his ass in a heartbeat. As I have heard, he's still allowed to attend area munches. No one wants to offend anyone so they do nothing.

I actually applaud the action of removing an offending person if they commit a trangression. ASSUMING they have committed a transgression without knowing anything, opens the way for abuse of this policy. What if someone comes up to you and says, "I saw so and so talking to some nilla out in the main dining room."

What are you going to do?

March them out of the bathroom to their car?

Meet them at the door and force them to leave?

Will you listen to their protest?

Will you investigate the incident?

Do you actually care about the people that come to the munch or this just a blanket remedy to inaction from before?
The rule is for inappropriate people you said. Yet we have to come up to you and let you know we'll be speaking to people out in the main area.

This is an assinine rule. Technically, I have no problem with it, since I don't really know anyone in Indy anyway so have no fears on that point. BUT, I'm known for just striking up conversations with people standing in grocery lines, bathroom lines...etc just to past the time.
I urge you to reconsider this rule. Make it a suggestion, word it differently, allow for friendliness. You have just changed the tone of the munch from friendly, to one of apprehension.

I wonder what she will have to say?

Wow...

What a weekend!!!

My housemate and I had friends from the lifestyle over this weekend for food and play.

It....well, to describe this....it was like having family over to hang out, watch tv, gossip, compare, exchange ideas.....

It was a blast.

AND.....it keeps getting better!

Now, usually, I like to bring in one new person each time. A sort of gentle introduction to the lifestyle that is very no pressure: everyone there is more than happy to lend a helping hand or 2. Everyone WANTS to learn something new or pass on what they have learned by offering a gentle suggestion or 2.

I'm always floored by just how relaxed everyone is.

Consider......... some are scening, some are chatting in another room, some are watching the cartoon channel.

Is this family or what?
Is this fun or what?

The rest of you, have no idea what yer missing....

What's in a word?

To the bozo who gave us the word "Domme"....

C'mere so I can smack da chit out of you.

Its not even a real word. It doesn't exist in the French where I'm sure they were trying to make 'domme' like the ACTUAL word 'femme'.... The notion that just as you pronounce Femme as Fem, not Femmay, you pronounce Domme as Dom, is totally missed by many who end up shouting that they are a 'Dom may' or as I think it..."Dummay"

It cracks me up.

Not only is it a fake word, they can't even pronounce it as it should be...based on the word they are taking it from.

I am not a "Domme". I am a Dominant and quite happily so. Just call me Ma'am. It's good enough for the Queen, it's good enough for me.

'nuff said.

Worth repeating....

I don't know how many times I have heard people use the terms... "my Sir" "my Ma'am".

Its irritating. Stop it. If there is a Biblical reason behind it.....well, look here and see what it's actually about:

http://www.tektonics.org/lp/nomaster.html

The word is not a name or a noun and around me at least, it will not be used as if it were. It is a title, a display of respect and should only replace a name in direct conversation with the respected party meaning....the Dominant you are submissive to.

Most people now use it now because they are ignorant. Granted the word has a bit of a charge to it...but don't mistake the charge for substance. "Call me 'sir/ma'am'," results in subbies speaking of "my Sir/Ma'am" and doing things because "Sir/Ma'am said to." It's bad English and a poor relation to the original use of the word.

Don't do it. If this little rant upsets or annoys you.....tough. Use correct English fer gawd's sake.

Sheesh.

*****************************************

Jake update.

Jake was at the vet's for a little nip and tuck. Ya, he was neutered. He was so out of it when he came home. Walked around like a drunken sailor. Pupils were all huge.....he was sort of like a stoner kitty actually.

What's weird is that now he plays with the dog. They chase each other around the house and play together. Before, if the dog got to close to him, Jake would smack the crap out of the dog.
He's much more playful now. Do you supposed he's afraid that if he doesn't act more cat like, that I'm going to have something else cut off?

My poor kitty cat. But, he's doing ok. At least I'm not having his claws amputated. Declawing is NOT an option.

Appreciating the Unique......Miss Pink!

I have this friend.

No, it's true...I do have a friend.

She has many excellent qualities...but her most endearing......and what makes her the most unique person I know of, is that she's just so damn interested in everything...and gets so excited when presented with something new to see or learn.

Others have said that her biggest fault.

Really, they did.!

It is that excitibility that keeps things fresh and new. It is so easy for all of us to become so ... jaded by all that we see. Its our responsiblity I believe, to keep things fresh and exciting for those that submit themselves to us. I never want what I do to become old and tired. I don't want to flog or cane and have my mind somewhere else...like how much laundry I have waiting. Mistakes happen that way if we get sloppy. But we are only human and we are bored....then, that doesn't make it any good for the sub....and definitely doesn't do us any good. I haven't gotten bored though.....at least not with a sub around.

Usually if I am that bored...I take off for a while...do something else. Write, drive, visit...explore.... recharge the batteries so to speak. My friend though....SHE just has this zest for the whole lifestyle! In a way, a lot of it is just so new to her that her enthusiasm is just contagious. Everything is a learning experience and she just dives in. Both feet. No hesitation. How many of us can say that? I can't. I hesitate for various reasons. Not my friend. She just bungie jumps in!

Here's to you Miss Pinky!

psssst.......pssssst......wanna know something?

Come closer.....






A little closer please......










I promise, I'm not going to bite you! I'll even pinky promise!






I did not ask fer email addresses so that I could steal the gawddamn egroup! That one could think that, tells me a lot about just how paranoid some are.
I am NOT going to organize another group here!
I'm am going to enjoy myself, enjoy others, nod politely at you should I see you somewhere and not think about this.

This is just a VERY small group of people that I like and respect, getting together for food and drink and intelligent conversation.

As long as ya'll don't start nothing, won't BE nothing.

sheesh........

this weekend.....

I had a good weekend.

I organized a cookout/play party with an RSVP guest list and people actually showed up!

We had a good time......we had a GREAT time! I feel so damn free! There could have been small improvements, but for giving a first time party......whoohooo! I did good.

I owe it all to my guests though. Can't have a good party without good guests...and they were great guests. None of us had any sort of agenda with each other, everyone was confident of their skills, no need fer posing......no need to do anything you didn't want to.

I wandered a round...and found a bunch of people watching Blue Collar Comedy Tour...and laughing like loons. The air of relaxation was just so.....apparent.

Good food, good company.....was a lovely time.

After eating....don't think we didn't play. Oh, we played. We played hard.

And that's all I'm going to say about that.......

Except.....that we might be having another party next month.

Jake

Jake got hurt again.

This time he ended up with some sort of bite that turned into some kind of infection. Jake came home on 3 legs....he went for his food dish...so I knew he was ok to some extent...but if you picked him up, he's cry out.

Its 10 at night, so no use calling a vet. Nothing felt broken, but he was hurting he was.... He went and got on A's bed and didn't move all night except to turn over and squall now and then.

Around here, the vets will not see anyone before 10 am, even though their office opens at 8am. I call up and explain my situation. I was told I could bring him and they would give me an estimate.

An estimate?

I see, my cat is broke and they will give me an 'estimate' on how much it would be to fix him. If I couldn't afford it...well, too gawddamn bad for the cat. He can stay in pain and just fucking die I guess.

I realize that they need their money and all...but they do a nice business I guess...its cash or credit card. Yer fucked if you don't have either.

Never mind that some poor animal is suffering. How goddamn humane is that?

Jake did get to see a vet though. Thank God for A who loves the furball as much as I do.

Jake will be ok. Antibiotics and fish and ham will make him all better.

I wrote to the Pope to ask him to pray for Jake. Ya, I know, yer all thinking I'm completely off my gourd. The Pope has a cat...just not at the Vatican..some dumb rule. But yes, the Pope loves cats and well....given Jake's tendencies to get in trouble, I need all the help I can get and divine help is good help. I think though, I should have put in a request to the goddess Bast as well.

Usually, when I'm working on this, Jake is all curled up with his head on my arm or somewhere.

He's still on the bed sleeping right now, getting better. He can't jump up this far and he hurts too bad to move around much.

I miss him being a pain in the arse......

the making of a Dominant

I have to thank a slave william for this blog. It was something he said in one of his last emails that got me thinking.

While I have writing a bit about subs, I've never actually written about Dominants other than to criticize them. Some need to taken out back and beat like a rug. Some are just too magnificent to be believed. Some I am in awe of and make me wish to bend my knee to them. I remember old conversations I had with those I am in awe of and one thing I remember that didn't strike me as odd then but I find odd now, is that each and every one of those awesome Dominants was familiar with the Sun Tzu.

"Sun Tzu?", you are thinking, "Who dat?"

Well, my little monkeys, he wrote a little book way back called the Art of War. It is still used to this day not only in the military, but also in business. It is the closest thing to an owners manual that a human being has. I'd read it because I used to date a former Green Beret that used to quote Tzu quite a bit. I am not suggesting that the submissive is the enemy, but only that handling them can be done as such. After all, as when one dominants, one conquers.

I'm not mean, yer a sissy!

I was chatting with a friend one evening at a munch and we ended up talked about styles.... She then said...women are more cruel then men.

She is right.

For sheer cruelty, you can't touch what a woman can do. It doesn't matter if its physical or mental cruelty, women just are better at it. Men can seem to only hurt you in certain ways only if you let them. If it's mental cruelty a man is doing, it can only hurt you if you allow it. If you know what his game is, then it might sting, but you really understand that he's just blowing it out his ass. If a man is beating someone, and I'm not talking about lifestyle things where there are RULES, but rather abuse, he may be cruel a the time, but he'll stop and then feel bad then be good for a while. By the way, if you are in a situation like that... GET THE FUCK OUT. Run. There are all kinds of places to hide. No woman should ever be abused. Ever. Get out before someone dies.

Now, going back to lifestyle things....Women play harder. I'm not sure why. I know why I do things, its because I'm a sadist. I admit it. I enjoy their pain. A lot of women however, do not. At least not to the degree that I like. I'm not saying this is dominantion. Its not. It's pain at its pure form for my enjoyment. Would you believe it does not sexually excite me? I'm serious. I derive a great deal of enjoyment out of it, but it doesn't arouse me. Personally, I think sex would just ruin the whole mood. Am I wrong? I don't think so and that is all that matters as far as I am concerned.

*************************

I'm gonna share summat with you all. It's my deepest darkest fantasy. It might scare some of you.

Are you ready?

(deep breath)



Sorry, not going to tell you. It scares me.

*************************

Speaking of scaring, I promised a sub that I would scare him. Time will tell if I scared him very badly or not. He'd been asking for limits pushed. He also mentioned that he didn't give over control so well.

Today I didn't give him that option.

""Step into my parlor', said the spider to the fly", I whispered to him as I not only had him cuffed to the cross, but then wrapped his arms and legs to it as well with industrial strength shrink wrap. He could not move. He could not wiggle. Helpless.

He didn't much like it.

He was ....... afraid. (shivers)

I then whispered to him, "A safe word is only an illusion". If you think about it, technically that is true. He had to trust me. At that point I don't think he knew if he did or didn't. At that point I had my wicked way with him and didn't give him time to think.

I could taste his fear. I could have rolled around in it like a cat would roll around in catnip. It was so delightful. I said things to him to make him even more fearful. I think it worked. When I thought he had had enough, and was about to panic, I stopped and let him rest and then chatted with him about that experience.

It took me a while to figure out what I was going to do. I knew I was going to teach him fear, but not how I was going to do it. I had to work myself into the mind frame most of the day.

I do believe I pushed some of his limits nearly to their breaking point.

Maybe some of you are thinking.....oh now...that just ain't right. Welp, I can prove that I did tell him that I was going to show him fear and that I couldn't tell him how but that I was going to do it. He had ample warning. Now I can go back to being my normal self with him. If I'm lucky, he may post here and tell all of you about the experience.

Wouldn't that be nice? I think so too.

a scare...involving Master Jake

Master Jake got in a fight Wed. night.

He was on the business end of some teeth or claw and got his bad ear punctured.

My poor baby was listless, wouldn't eat, would cry, would sort of pad softly from one area to another. I thought he was mad about something....because if I have not done what he wants, I get the cold shoulder. Instead, when I go to bed, he's curled up on Alan's bed. I curled up with him and that's when I found it.

A massive hematoma on his bad ear.

Well, I did what any self respecting slave would do. I panicked. I called a buddy of mine who has cats and pleaded for help. He got here and he inspected Master Jake and looked in the phone book to see when a Vet would be open. 8am is when the offices open, but no doctors until 10am.

10am. A human doctor can be in his office at 8am, or 9am. These guys got it good.

However, my Jake was hurting and I was a mess. I iced his ear to keep the swelling down (based on the suggestion of my buddy) and it seemed to have helped.

Jake had tears coming out of his eyes....which were opened so wide as we went into the Vet's office. I have to say, I was about to get all soggy to, but I had to be strong so that he doesn't pick up on my panic. He let me know how unhappy he was to be there.

We finally got in to see the Vet. They wanted to operate on him!!! To take give him some sort of screen to keep the shape of his ear correct....which, as it is....Jake's ear is already messed up, it will never be right.

I tell them what the budget will afford and he goes hmmmm....and then takes Jake to another area where I can't go. I soon hear this big old yowl...and he comes back in and says they need to tranq my cat. Lord god in heaven...what are they doing to Jakers??? I say ok, because I have been on the business of his teeth before. The nail grew back nicely thank you.

So, a while later, this kid comes back with a very quiet and very .... stoned looking Jake in his arms. MY POOR JAKE! His head is bloody, his leg is all wet looking, and he looks like..."dude, weird trip". He's so groggy.

We pay the bill and off we go....he's not so groggy that he can't stuggle like crazy. We get home ok despite the fact that he wanted to make the trip on top of my feet. It was not good for him because I drive a stick.

So, now I have to squeeze Jake's ear every so often to get the stuff out of it and then give him a dropper of antibotics. He hates that squeezing on his ear. He's using words I didn't know he knew and if he weren't sick I'd wash his mouth out with soap. He is VERY vocal about I'm doing to him.

He's better now. He's eating....fussing about wanting to be let out....as if. When I don't have to press his ear he might be allowed, but until then....I don't think so.

I love my kitty....but I don't want to be scared like that ever again. How do parents ever handle sickness?

A few events lately....

I don't know how many times I have heard people use the terms... "my Sir" "my Ma'am".
Its irritating. Stop it. The word is not a name or a noun and around me at least, it will not be used as if it were. It is a title, a display of respect and should only replace a name in direct conversation with the respected party.

Most people now use it now because they are ignorant. Granted the word has a bit of a charge to it...but don't mistake the charge for substance. "Call me 'sir'," results in subbies speaking of "my Sir" and doing things because "Sir said to." It's bad English and a poor relation to the original use of the word.

Don't do it. If this little rant upsets or annoys you.....tough. Use correct English fer gawd's sake.

Sheesh.

**********************

Some of youse might remember some earlier postings.....had to do with a messy dom. Welp, we have buried the hatch.

NO, he didn't bury it in my skull.

gee whiz, yer a blood thirsty lot!

We talked, cleared the air.....I wanted to know if he had LISTENED to what had been said. People had been wanting to help him but it didn't seem to have been getting though to him at the time. I believe though, that the issue is now resolved. No more problem....at least with that bit.

**********************

I went to a play party the other evening. I'm suprised my indignation isn't pouring out of me. I watched some perfectly lovely girl be caned at least twice in the waist and kidney area. I had no idea actually if there was a DM in charge or what. The people were nice enough....I had some lovely conversations, but geeze louise, isn't anyone concerned with sanitation, cleaniness, safety...etc? I dunno if I want to go back. I think if I go to any more play parties, they will be here at home where I know stuff is taken care of and things are cleaned...and where I know that people will be safe, or I will go to the Ft Wayne play parties that are on a more professional level.

And for those of you who are wondering....no, I didn't say anything about the caning or other stuff I saw.....I may do it in an email to someone. I know its going to piss someone off....but ya know...like that bothers me?

**********************

For those of who know about Master Jake..... he's got a new computer desk to jump up on.
I was lucky enough to catch him in a full roll. I will have to reach the keyboard around his body now....which is not so bad. Its sort of cute with his little paws on my arm...or his big furry head on my arm. Slows down my typing a bit, but hey, its Jake, its worth it.

Oh, I have another little pic of him below...





He is full out snoring in the pic on the left. He does have a nasty habit of kicking the mouse. I would have taken another pic of him, but he doesn't like having his photo taken and soon after this one, he got up and ran.

Dumb cat.

Communication

I had the great privilege to talk to someone about communication last night. He said, "If you're a boss and were asked what communication is, you'd say that it was you telling me what to do. If you are an employee then it would be acknowledging what the boss just said. That is only HALF of what communication is." He went on to say that communication isn't even really taught at home or schools anymore because no one really understands it. We both agreed that communication is the talking back and forth of a subject until its equality understood by both parties.

If anyone has to understand what communication actually is, it's us in the lifestyle.....at no matter what level of experience, no matter what we have seen or heard: communication is the single most important aspect of what we are. Scenes have to be negotiated. A Dominant could actually tell the sub what's he or she is going to do. The sub could then give consent. But, if that Dom does something else....essentially throwing a wrench in the works....that is a break down in communication. The sub would then be within his or her rights to protest, to be angry...etc.

An email was recently sent out on a group I am part of. I'm going to post it here because I think it should be read by any and all. It's longish but important.

A couple of weeks ago a situation in a community I used to be active in, came to my attention. The situation is sad. First, there are 2 messages that I would like to communicate, one is about Consent and one is about safety. Neither are meant to be a lecture. The story is true. I am not going to tell you names, for that isn't what this is about.

But, so you have some idea, the Dominant in the story, has been in the lifestyle for 20 plus years and just recently, after losing his submissive to cancer, starting publicly playing with others again.

The submissive has been in the lifestyle for about 12 years. She is a single mother of 3 and was released about 4 months ago from her last Dominant.

The play party they were at was well know and frequented by many. There is 1 DM required for every 7 people and Sexual activity is allowed if all participants have negotiated it.

These 2 individuals had seen at each before and discussed scening together. Her limits were discussed. Sexual activity was not discussed, negotiated or approved. She consented to being tied, whipped, some limited knife play and wax play.

The scene was very intense. There was about 15 people watching it. There was a DM nearby. The submissive was naked bent over a bench and strapped into place. About an hour into the scene the sub has gone past the point of being able to consent or use safe words. It was critical the Dominant and the DM kept an eye on her. But what the Dominant did was undid his pants and had sexual intercourse with her. 1. The DM didn't know that it hadn't been consented to. 2. The spectators didn't know it hadn't been consented to 3. The sub was so deep she wasn't capable of speaking or denying him anything.

After the scene and the aftercare and the sub "came down" she realized what had happened and cried rape. It became very ugly after that for everyone.

Everyone wanted to blame everyone else for how it happened. The authorities were never brought into it. The community policed its own. Let's just say that those who were the senior members of the community put the burden of blame where it belonged. On the Dominant.

Now let me ask everyone this.
Would you scene or negotiate a scene with a person who is drunk? Would you scene or negotiate a scene with someone who is high? Would you scene or negotiate a scene with someone mentally handicapped? I am sure that at least everyone I know on this group, would say no.

One of the main reasons a scene is negotiated before it happens, is because at that point, if the above 3 issues are not present, both parties are of sound mind and full faculties to consent. I have no idea what "subspace" is, but based on information I have obtained and information from lifestyle friendly professionals, many of the
characteristics are similar to being "High" "drunk" or "mentally impaired" This
is not about arguing or questioning that (I am qualified to do that). But as
Dominant I know when I have taken a sub to that point, that my responsibility
for him/her triples, because they often become "putty" in my hands. At that point anything a Dominant does, that was not previously agreed to or
negotiated, is crossing the "line"

The second issue her is even more tragic. Most of the time when we talk about safety in this lifestyle we usually refer to BDSM Vs Abuse. Or the mental or psychological abuse a Dominant may inflict on a sub or slave, or even vice versa. We talk about safe words and safe calls. We talk about predators. But very seldom and on a very limited basis do we ever hear talk of sexual safety. Safety 101. The
basics we teach our kids. For many it is because BDSM isn't sexual in nature to
them. For some they don't practice safe sex, for some they leave it up to the "other" person to worry about it.

Well, the Dominant in this scenario has Aids. The "cancer" his wife died from was aids. He had infected her with it after contracting it from a "friend" It was only after the community looked deeper at this Dominant that any of this was discovered. After being tested the sub has been found to be carrying the HIV virus. Will she get AIDS? The chances are very high that she will. In essence, he signed her a death warrant.

The following links are just a few of many. Most lifestyles sites do have some info on "safe" sex.

This community no longer allows exchange of bodily fluids at any of their functions. what they have found is that more people now come to their events, not less. The Dominant is on a "watch" list and banned from play parties. The sub has turned to her "lifestyle" family for support and is in counseling.

Education, awareness and vigilance are the things that keep us the safest.

http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/safesm2.html
http://www.sexuality.org/concise.html
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pubs/faq/faq19.htm

Something I noticed leads me to believe that this is more like a warning than anything because I'd have his ass in jail for killing me....ESPECIALLY if I had 3 little kids that would lose their mother. Does it make your blood run cold? It does mine....because it could happen. Several warnings are here. I'll keep it in mind....will you?

Politeness and how to acquire it

From Emily Post's Book of Etiquette:

"Always abroad, and every really well-bred lady or gentleman here, says “please” in asking that something be brought her or him. “Please get me the book I left on the table in my room!” Or “Please give me some bread!” Or “Some bread, please.” Or one can say equally politely and omit the please, “I’d like some toast,” but it is usual and instinctive to every lady or gentleman to add “please.”

In refusing a dish at the table, one must say “No, thank you,” or “No, thanks,” or else one shakes one’s head. A head can be shaken politely or rudely. To be courteously polite, and yet keep one’s walls up is a thing every thoroughbred person knows how to do—and a thing that everyone who is trying to become such must learn to do
.
A rule can’t be given because there isn’t any. As said in another chapter, a well-bred person always lives within the walls of his personal reserve, a vulgarian has no walls—or at least none that do not collapse at the slightest touch. But those who think they appear superior by being rude to others whom fortune has placed below them, might as well, did they but know it, shout their own unexalted origin to the world at large, since by no other method could it be more widely published. "


'Nuff said......I think....

Rudeness and how to avoid it.

Did your mother teach you manners?

Mine did. When I was older, she gave me a book. Emily Post's Book of Etiquette. It was about 2 in. thick. I have since lost it in moving around the country....but thankfully, there is a copy of it online.

There is this local Dom who told a friend of mine...also a Dom, that one had to be an asshole sometimes with submissives.

I went, "WTF"?
"Yup.", she said.

This is where I guess that when one is not secure in their role as a Dominant they must grasp what they can in order to bolster their own ego. Amongst vanillas, it is called 'tearing one down in order to build oneself on up'. No, no, no....that's just wrong.

There is no excuse for rudeness. Whether it is to a submissive or to a vanilla. It doesn't even matter if they are rude to you. You do not counter their rudeness with your own. Kill them with kindness if you must do something. It cost you nothing and really places the rude person on the spot, which, you will have to admit, is rather sadistic. It is so...subtle yet so thorough to turn their rudeness against them.

Now if you are in public at a restaurant or somewhere and the staff messes up....you don't have to be loud and obnoxious about things, it makes you look bad and embarasses everyone else. The best thing I've ever found for faulty service or incorrect orders is to simply be firm, smile and let them fall all over themselves to correct the mistake. Speak quietly to the wait staff if they are being surly. Could be they do not realize they are being testy. I assure you, if you ask them quietly if they are ok and remark on their attitude...they will change it in a heart beat. Money talks and for most servers, they are there for the money.

You are a Dominant, it is your place to correct gently but firmly. I do it. Your mom or dad did it. It does work on staff in public places. Just be quiet about what you are doing. Do it right and no one will even notice you are chastising anyone publically. Its sort of evil and I love it.

So, if yer a Dominant and you think its ok to be rude to the wait staff or to anyone else that might piss you off..... "Bad Dom, no beating."

***rolling of the eyes***

I hear I'm losing all my submissives.

Geezus people, you got nothing better to do than speculate about what submissives I have?

I had one that I don't see anymore because I think he's confused as to some things...or maybe I'm confused. I thought I had sort of sent him out in good faith to be trained in other ways. Either way, he's gone his own way and good luck to him.

Now, just because one has left doesn't mean they all have left. You didn't think I have just one do you? Pish posh.....I have them in 3 states. Mind you, I don't see the out of state ones as much as I like, but I do see them on occasion as their time permits. I have a number from Indy that I see and some from my home area, Ft. Wayne, Lafayette...etc.

One left, not the others. They will be very suprised to know that they have all left my service.

Don't talk about what you don't know about. Ask me. I'll tell you if you really want to know.

Jake

Those of you who know me in real life know about Jake....or as he is better know as: Master Jake. There is a saying: "Dogs have owners, Cats have slaves." Well.....I'm a slave to Master Jake. Not always a good one, but he's never punished me by hacking up a hairball on my pillow or where I could step on it.

You can see his picture I hope. Handsome fellow I think even though one of his ears is damaged. He is just a big balled tom cat prowling around the neighbourhood here. He's getting a little weathered now from losing a couple of fights recently. My friend heard some cats fighting the other night and went to go look and found out it was Jake being beat up on by some orange brute. He broke it up...but Jake wouldn't come to him. His little dog, kept bugging Jake, but Jake wasn't having anything part of it. He runs inside, and wakes me up at 5am...... "Jake's been in a fight and he won't come when I call" I dimly remember rolling out of bed and wandering outside on a Sunday morning calling for Jake. I give it the old college try for about 5 min and then go back to bed. Jake doesn't come home for a day....then when he does come in, he buries his face in his feed bowl for 15 min.

Naturally, we are very worried as neither of us know how badly Jake was slapped around. He's losing some weight too. So, what do I do? I go out and buy him a case of his favourite food: Friskies Turkey and Cheese sliced dinner. I also make sure that I don't run out of his favourite dry food.....which is also Friskies.

I also score him a bag of catnip.

This is Jake when he's at his most adorable. Yup, eyes shut, mouth shut. Quiet. He's not at the door demanding to be let out. He's not at his food dish making a mess. He's not in his litterbox making us all run out of the house.

I gotta tell you. Once some friends were over and one of them picked up Jake and sort of squeezed him. Jake burped.

It was this TOXIC cloud. He dropped Jake and we all ran.

ah...Love is wonderful from a nice distance.

Upwind.

sacrilege

Submissives have all the power.

There, I said it. I'll say it again for those of you who do not believe their eyes.

Submissives have all the power.

I imagine most of you will now demand that they take away my 'Sadist' title and make me give back my cane.

Bah.

C'mon, you know we can do NOTHING without their permission. You know that they can end a scene, session, play at ANY POINT they wish simply by using their safe word or signal. If we go beyond that its what......say it with me.....

"Assault".

Yup.

Anytime you do something without permission its assault. Though according to Indiana law and a few other states (I think) even if you are given permission its still assault. It has something to do with battered wives. Don't get me started about that.....as I'd personally love to beat each husband who beats his wife and kids. I'd love to treat him to an hour of my tender mercy. Oh yes.....an hour would just be long enough.

Now, I was saying that submissives have all the power. They exchange that power with their chosen Dominant. It is a trust.

On the other hand....

A safe word is an illusion.

More sacrilege I know. When I tell my boys this it scares them spitless.....yet they still give their submission to me eagerly. Why? They love the fear.

I use this analogy a lot. "Think of me as a rollercoaster. I will take you though peaks and valleys and spin you around. I will take your breath away and make you scream....then I will bring you safely to the end."

Is good yes?

Odd thoughts running though my head...

I was sitting here a moment ago, playing a game....(I'm very fond of Bejeweled 2, I love the explosions), when the oddest thought went though my mind.

Has there ever been a comedienne that was also a Dominatrix? I mean, how odd would that be? Would she come out in all leather and chains? Would she walk and swing a flogger, whip, cane, paddle as she told jokes? Would we laugh because we didn't dare NOT laugh?

I know yer wondering what kinda drugs I might be on to be having thoughts like that. Like you would get so luck to have so simple an answer. I have these thoughts because I can.

Its a female thing.

So many in this lifestyle are so ultra serious, like we aren't allowed to laugh. You should ask my subs if sometimes I'm flogging them or something and will make a funny remark. They laugh and they groan, laugh and whimper. They know its ok to laugh. My subs also know that there is the humourous laugh....and the smaller wickeder laugh when they know their pain amuses me.

I've had some of them tell me that their previous Domina, didn't allow laughing that everything was just so ...so serious. How can one not laugh at what we do sometimes? I have fun when I work a sub. I laugh and joke as I do my thing. Mind you, not all the time.....I do not wan them getting distracted so I do the joke thing as I am warming up. Later on, yes I am very serious but mainly because I am busy watching them, listening to them and enjoying their reactions.

I do wonder though about how serious we do get sometimes. In the initial interview proceed I give each new sub, I sometimes ask how their search has been going. Some have told me that they have met some Dominas who have mistook rudeness for dominance.

"Oh gee, I'll impress with subbie by being rude and demanding to the wait staff here..." There is something seriously wrong with that thinking. What makes them think that rudeness is impressive? I don't understand! Someone explain it to me!

In short words please.

I'm no angel.....

Ok....ok....I hear enough of you going, "She's got that right....!"

I'm human. My poo smells, my hair gets messy if I don't wash it....we won't mention pits. I'm just like everyone else. I make mistakes. Sometimes I make what OTHERS think are mistakes.

I may disagree in principle but I understand why one would think I made a mistake.

Someone one told me something about someone I know and like. It was said while I was talking about a matter of inappropriate touching and scene interruption. What they said was so outrageous that I HAD to ask the person it was said about if anyone had complained to them about it. They were shocked to find out that someone thought this way and mentioned it to someone else who asked me what I said to upset the first person and then they asked the person I was talking to about it who DENIED saying it until it was shown to them that YES, they had indeed said such a thing.

So instead of addressing the issue at hand which was a matter of inappropriate touching, attention was diverted away by bringing another's name into the mix, effectively changing the subject and adding to the drama!

But then they LIED to the person about what was said about them, a baldface lie......and they HAD to know I had just mentioned it as they then came back to me and chewed me a new asshole.

Not that I didn't deserve it.

But, they just flat out LIED about it. Do you believe that shite?

Yah, I know, if I hadn't said anything then my friend would not have known anything.....but the complaint was just so......ludicrous I had to say something. I told.......NOT to make issues, not to cause trouble but because someone made that complaint about one I do not believe deserved it.
And that's all I got to say about that....

Maybe not....

AS it was, the reason I was talking to them anyway was to address the issue of some unwanted attention to a female sub. I don't care how many years of experience a dom has......you do not break into a scene unasked unless there was some sort of danger...and baby, there was no danger except from the dom leaping into the scene.

Would you believe the next day he is in a chatroom bragging about something he only wished he knew about regarding that sub? How......uncouth....how....crass.

Predators Amongst US ..... The Online Predator By LrdAzrael (APeX)

I found this while doing some reading and thought it was one of the best descriptions of a Dangerous Dom/me or Predator I had seen. No one will fit all of the profile but if they fit too many.....RUN. Also, at the end of this post is part of something else I found. Keep in mind, this is from SOMEWHERE else...it is not about anyone I know of.

The Online Predator

By LrdAzrael

The following is a composite profile of an Online Predator. This profile was compiled by a number of submissive women for use by submissive women. It is written from the perspective of a submissive female whose nature requires her to respond to a dominant male.

The Online Predator

Definition : The Online Predator is one who uses the mechanisms of cyber space to hunt human beings with the intent to exploit, rob, plunder and pillage their body, mind, heart and soul.

Characteristics of a Predator:

1. Liar: (Self explanatory)
2. Deceiver: His self situation is presented as other than what it is.
3. Betrayer: He is likely to break trust.
4. Insecure: He is worried that others will be faithless.
5. Inconsistent: He will say one thing while doing another.
6. Lacking Honor: Usually while protesting that he has honor.
7. Lack of Respect: He will tend to denigrate others.
8. Transient: He is unlikely to have many long term friends.
9. Manipulator: He calculates and contrives for his own benefit to the detriment of his partner.
10. Secretive: He will tend to cloak himself and his activities.
11. Charming: If he could not steal your breath away, he would not be a successful hunter.
12. Selective: He will pick victims carefully, looking for weaknesses and filling those voids completely.
13. Chameleon: He will appear to fit any need perfectly and adapt to fill any desire.
14. Lacking in Self Control: At times, he may have extraordinary self control and discipline, a predator probably exhibits these characteristics in all aspects of his life. It may be that the only place the predator seems to have honor and value "Truth" is in the "Relationship" he is developing with his victim.

CAUTION

When developing a new relationship, make a conscious effort to observe your partner's interaction with others, not just how he interacts with you. The predator may well reveal his true self through his interactions. But, you may only see this revelation if your are committed to taking every precaution for your own safety.

Predator Warning Signals:

While any of these phrases or actions may be acceptable in a given context, pay close attention when seeing or hearing them.

Phrases:

1. Do not tell ____________ .
2. (_______) is crazy! (or psycho, sick, a liar, or out to get me)
3. It would be best if you no longer spoke to _________.
4. I do not need to defend myself against lies.
5. They are just jealous (of me, of us, of what we have, that you have me).

Actions:
1. May seldom be in the D/s chat rooms. Operates from other areas or private rooms.
2. Has personal information which is incomplete or not verifiable.
3. Becomes defensive, angry or in denial when questioned.
4. Questions the sincerity of the submissive when questioned.
5. He will usually discourage or forbid the practice of reference checks.
6. He will usually discourage or forbid the use of Safe Calls.

The Submissive's Personal Warning Signals:

These are items that a submissive should pay attention to if she is saying them to herself or hearing them from others.
1. I feel he is just too good to be true.
2. You are hearing consistent warnings from more that one person.
3. Your instincts are whispering " something is not right about this person ".

Summary:

The final best defense any submissive has against an Online Predator is her own common sense and judgment. The submissive should always remember that desires, needs, and the heat of the moment can combine to drown that judgment. Always take a moment to step back, take a deep breath and look at a potential partner with common sense and not with passion.

Note: ALWAYS ask for references from other submissives and check them!

Part Two: From the House of De Sade website:

"RED FLAGS"

Red Flags are people who are vague, talk in circles or answer questions with questions. They use fancy footwork, excuses or evasive maneuvers. Be very cautious with these types of people. They may have been hurt and are cautious themselves or may be playing hard to get. They may not be someone you should continue communication with. IF they cannot be honest with you from the start, then don't count on them to be honest in real time. Trust is crucial in the BDSM lifestyle. This could be a key indicator that the person is not worthy of being your Dominant.

Possible "Red Flags" To Think About:

1. Changes screen names constantly?
2. Demands you to call him "Master" in a PM or private room only?
3. Converse with you in PM only? Tells you not to mention that you have been speaking to each other?"Hides Out" when online (is always invisible).
4. Only converses with you from their work computer?
5. Insists on having your full name and telephone number, but refuses to give you theirs?
6. Isolates you from your friends or tells you that your friends lie about him.
7. Become defensive or angry when questioned or questions the sincerity of the submissive when he's questioned.

Watch out for inappropriate attitudes such as: "The Bow Down And Worship Me Cause I Say I Am Dom Syndrome" who acts as if every submissives MUST obey every self-proclaimed Dominant (especially him) and begins giving orders or grilling the submissive from the very beginning. He will probably exhibit this behaviour in real time.

The predator will use his considerable charm to decieve and use the vulnerability of a submissive to his advantage. He will use their lack of self-esteem to gain a hold over her. He will attack her trust in him and she will lose the ability to trust herself and her own feelings or judgements. He may attack those who try to enlighten the intended victim by using, "They Are Jealous Of What We Have". Even though what he is teaching her is incorrect, she is now at the point of believing everything he says!

Male or Female submissives are NOT obligated to answer every IM you receive. If you receive an IM that is insulting, rude, demanding, abusive or vulgar: PLACE THAT PERSON ON IGNORE. If they are not your Dominant, you are not obliged. New subs think they need to answer everything self proclaimed demi god that IM's them. If they insist on being pushy and do not take the hint after you have ignored them or they follow you. Log off. Go cool off a while.

Never EVER give out your personal information to someone you don't know!

Trust your instincts if they are saying something is not right about this person. Your common sense is your best defense! Never be swept away in the fastasy so that you lose touch with reality. It is easy to allow one's body and heart to over rule common sense when the need for submission is so strong!

In this lifestyle we need to not look out only for our safety but also help in guarding the safety of others. We have a responsibility to our community to present education on Safety. The Predator is not gender definite. Sad but true. They can be both sexes. Lets look at 2 examples and see where the commonalities show up.

Example #1 - Is A Male Pretending To Be A "Mistress" One such case was a "Self Proclaimed Dominant/male submissive" Named "*** Dom**" from the UK. He is very charming, married and a salesman who states a desire to move to the USA. He would frequent the chat rooms as "Mistress Fake Name**" hunting for "Gay Women" whom he thought would be quick and easy prey. He claimed to have no self pictures, microphone or webcam as a "Mistress"...but had many male pictures for when he is Dominant or submissive. He coerced women into performing sexual acts via NetMeeting, MSN and Yahoo!. His favourite hoobby is collecting nude photos. He used sob stories such as his wife "Little Miss Vanilla" left him. He can adapt to any situation.

Example #2 -SmartAss Extraordinaire
"***Subbie**" A 50ish "submissive" From The Southwest. Married, Dishonest about her age and physical appearance (Uses daughters or old pictures), Constantly disrespectful and rude in most rooms, Uses the sob story technique..."i just want to escape my present situation" or the "Poor me, my last relationship ended because HE was a liar, i was abused, hurt, etc. Husband has Illness"...etc as a way of luring Dominants. When she does not get her way, she begins to harass others by giving out their personal information, threatened family members by harassing phone calls. Mean while she's trolling under various nicks which she usually says is her "daughter's nicks". She's often paranoid thinking "people are hacking or stalking her.

Submissives that portray things in a skewed fashion just to gain sympathy are just as guilty of being predators.

Does either have a sense of what BDSM means?

Touching and the single submissive.

I was going to make this post about predators and how to spot them.

I changed my mind. It's allowed. After all....

I'm female.

I was talking with my buddy over dinner the other night. We were discussing some recent incidents that a lady friend of his went though. This friend of his is a sub who has had some problems with inappropriate touching. Now I agree she is a cuddly bundle that is just nearly impossible NOT to want to be close to. Still, one of the first rules of anywhere is "Thou shalt not touch without permission" My friend suggested the sub have some mace or pepper spray ready.

Makes sense to me. Touch me, draw back a nub, get a face full of pepper spray.

But I'm not a submissive. Most know I do not like to be touched period. If I don't like to be touched, damned if I am going to touch someone else. Some will touch a sub that has no Dom because they think they can. This includes Dom/mes as well....naughty naughty.

Wrong.

Subbies: If you don't want to be touched make sure that the Dominant doing it understands that NO means NO. Raise your voice. Call attention to the situation ASAP. Call the host over. If it is the host being inappropriate, call over a friend. If you do not have a friend there,...GET OUT. What the hell were you doing there anyway? Technically, the host of any sort of event IS your protector and you are to go immediately to him or her for assistance. But what ever you do, DON'T remain silent. You do no one a service by remaining silent. If it happens to you, it can happen to someone else and you have a duty to end it then and there before it happens to anyone else. Speak out then.

"But oh", you tell me. "I did tell that Dom no but he didn't pay me any mind. What do I do then?"

Ok, I'll play your silly ass game. Go to the host. Go straight to the host, do not pass go, do not collect an audience. Make sure you are heard. Make sure you are heard in a calm rational manner. Don't make it a drama. Try to be a class act even when they are not.

Now, that being said let me say that I understand that some submissives are reluctant to say anything because they think it is disrespectful to correct a Dominant. I commend you for your gentle heart but kick you in the ass for being stupid. You might be in a place where you think it would be very disrespectful to say anything at all. However, whether or not you are in a private club or home...it is your duty to your fellow submissives to quietly call attention to the situation. The rules are in place for a reason. They are there to protect YOU and to protect the Dominant.

Some submissives are too timid to speak up. They are afraid if they rock the boat someone will kick them out of the boat or that they will not be seen as "real". There is no such thing as "real". "Real" is a buzz word to try and pigeonhole people. Some submissives are new to the scene and some just think they have to take whatever a Dominant does. This post is for those of you that are timid or afraid. If anyone gets their panties or boxers in a twist about you making a fuss about something YOU feel is important, then you do not need to be with that group of people. Regardless of how it appears there are other places you can go. Study that group. Ask questions. Do your homework!

Dominants have to be protected from the occasional subbie as well. Even I don't think there are innocent submissives in EVERY case. We usually don't hear too much about that, but it does happen. Some submissives are nut cases. The idea behind the rules is to CYA. Cover Your Ass. The idea is to have fun, but when you have so many different people with different outlooks, it is safer to learn to keep one's hands to themselves and ask permission no matter what your persuasion is or even how well you think you know that particular submissive or Dominant. Permission given ONCE does not give you permission later that evening, later that day, later that week, etc.

Use yer common sense.

More confused than ever...

A curious thing has happened, O, my friends.

Now tell me: if you knew that you are on a particular list and had known about it since last year yet just went on with the same ole behavior even after people who like you try to help you change your ways, wouldn't you at LEAST make the effort to change?

Our Mr Messy didn't.

Curious don't you think?

Back to the tale.......

Seems there was a few witnesses to attest that ursula had indeed told Mr Messy that he could not come to a playpen function. This was said infront of the Prince. ursula denies she did anything or said anything. The Prince did say she said it, the Princess has given the impression that ursula did not say he was prohibited from attending the playpen affair.

Oy vey.... what is the old saying? What a wicked web we weave when we practice to deceive.

If there is a truth, it is this: SOMEBODY told him he couldn't attend.

Who was it! 'fess up!

Now all the evidence points to ursula. She says no, someone who would know says she did, the Prince says she did, the Princess has given the impression ursula didn't!

Will the truth ever be really known? Will you people get yer story straight?

Will we care? Or will everyone just say that nothing of the sort ever happened and that there was an email malfunction or summat?

End of this bit of the tale.....


Next bit will be on something everything subbie should know.... male or female.

More probing

ok, Where did I leave off?

Oh ya....

The Prince says he knew about the messy guy and the list of mess people

Ok, back on track....

This midsize town has a little town newsletter....with a lot of subscribers. One day, up pops this notice that some people have told someone else they can't come and play with the others. It said that only the Prince and Princess and a couple of others can tell people they can't come play in their playpen anymore.

"Wowsers" said Ms Matron. "What is going on here?"

So off trots Ms Matron to ask the Prince what the heck is going on. "Welp", says the Prince, "seems that ursula told a messy dom that he was ban from coming to our playpen."
"No way!" Ms Matron says.
"Yes way". says the Prince. "Someone else also tried to ban someone from coming to the playpen as well...but I don't remember who".
"Wow!" say Ms Matron who is thinking that she just might have to ask ursula about this. Ms Matron is a guardian of the newsletter and wants to make sure that things are on the up and up.

Ms Matron goes over to see ursula and ask a few questions.

"Yo! ursula, what is going on in your neck of the woods?" asks Ms Matron, thinking this is a good way to get around to asking questions.
"Have you been a bad ursula?", Ms Matron asks?
"Aren't I always?", replies ursula.
"More than usual this time I thinks", says Ms Matron, "I hears ya got summat to do with the playpen banning."
"I do?" says ursula oh so innocently, "Lemme check the mailbox and see what's in there!""Wow!" says ursula, "there use is a lot in here. But ain't my place to tell someone not to come to the playpen! I don't talk to Mr. Messy now and I ain't gonna talk to him! All my issues with Mr Messy has been told to the Prince and he's going to handle it!"
"Great!", says Ms Matron, "glad to know you are not involved!" But Ms Matron knew something was up as the Prince specifically said that ursula talked to Mr. Messy and now ursula says that she hasn't said anything to him. Someone be tellin a big ole fib...but who could it be? Ms Matron knows it couldn't be the Prince because while he's many things, he's not a fibber. Ms Matron doesn't know ursula all that well, but she feels sort of sorry for her following a rather lengthy tale of woe.

So, puzzled, Ms Matron goes to see the Prince."Yo, Prince!", she yells, "I am in a puzzlement about summat!"
"What is it?", ask the Prince.
"Welp, I talk to ursula about Mr Messy and...", starts off Ms Matron.
"You did what!" yells the Prince, "You shouldn't have done that!"

Let me take a moment here to state that Ms Matron is not all that. Some think she is but, she ain't perfect. Some times she's just plain nosy but she keeps what she knows to herself. When things do not add up is when she starts asking questions...though sometimes she'll just throw something out there to see what bites. Ok? Ms Matron ain't Miss Thang, ya know?

Ok,

"You did what?" yell the Prince. "You shouldn't have done that!"
"I wanted to know!" yells back Ms Thang, er....Matron. "Some body be lying and well, I know it ain't you!" She added."That ursula, she said she ain't said nuthin' to no one. Now what is going on?" Ms Matron ask in puzzlement.
"Heck if I know", says the Prince, "but I am real disappointed in your big mouth running on about all of this", and the conversation turns to other things.

A little while afterwards, Ms Matron gets a notice that her services as a guardian are terminated. "Well, can't say I'm all surprised by that" she thinks. She then tries to go to the newsletter place and find that lo and behold its doors are closed to her!

"What the heck?" Ms Matron thinks, "what is this all about! And all of this without a word why. Most decent folk would at least have said summat some reason! Oh well, I've been thrown out of worse places". With that she then turns her mind to the main point of this little exercise.

Ms Matron ponders a moment then decides to ask one of Mr Messy's friend about all of this. She asks Daisy find out the truth of what really happened between ursula and Mr Messy and did ursula really say all that she said to him and then to come back and let her know because she'd like to know the truth if anyone actually knows anymore.

There was something else going on at the same time as this.....something that happened at one of the play times in the playpen. Something that the truth of which has yet to be unraveled. The prince is also worried about someone trying to overthrow the throne.....

So our detective Ms Matron waits for some answers to our mysteries.....

So begins the tale....

The title of this little spot is Story time. I suppose I should get down to telling one shouldn't I?

*ahem*

In a castle, far, far away there was.....
Wait....this is the Midwest, no castles here....and wrong sort of story.

*ahem*

Once there was a squid who lived by the sea.....
opps.... there are similarities between this story and that one.....same sort of ending, or was it a beginning? A moot point and I'll moot it later.

*ahem*

In a small town just outside of a much larger town there lived a person of the female persuasion who styled herself as a submissive....

(now I'm on the right track...)

She had some personal issues (as do we all) and things had not been so wonderful for her. Still she managed to make it on her own which say a great deal for that part of her character. Let's call her ursula (think Little Mermaid and you get the idea). ursula is at this point a very innocent player in all this. She frolicked with others in their play pen, ate when they did, slept when told to. All in all, things were just great.
One day ursula meet with a person of the male persuasion who wanted to to be his submissive! Yah, that's wonderful and just want she had always wanted. She got a bit of a surprise with that particular male as he was not very neat. Bad man, bad bad bad! So she left. Sometime afterwards she mentions this to one of the large town Dominant ladies and she's told that that particular male is known to very messy, that he's on a list of messy type Dominant people! The shock, the idea, oh me or my!!!

(Remember dat list, its important.)

One day, ursula lets slip to a Dominant lady in a midsize down that is up from the much larger town that a list of messy people is around and that someone who has frolicked with them is on it!
"oh my!" said the Dominant lady we'll call Ms Matron, "does the Prince know?" "I dunno" said ursula, "Let call him on the conference line and ask him"

So they get the Prince on the conference line and he goes, "Yes, that messy fellow is on that list. I've talked to him and told him he shouldn't be messy"

"Ok," says the pair and and hangs up.

All seems to be well in the midsize town for a while....

More later.....

...and it all comes pouring out

This is a hell of a way to start blogging. Someone makes me angry and to avoid ripping their head off....I write about it. Then again, I think a lot of people begin things like this simply to get things off their chest. It is so much healthier.

For me at least.

I intend to tell the truth.

It is going to be interesting to see if the truth can be handled.