Forgiveness and other fables...

I took a good hard look at myself the other night.

I find I'm not a very forgiving person...at least, not with people I loathe. I should have been shocked to find this out.

I wasn't.

But, for all its intensity, its not lasting. I mean, if I waste any time actually thinking about it, the loathing is there. But in my day to day life....it won't be in any thoughts. I don't have time for it. It takes too much energy and I have better things to do.

I will admit...and do keep this under your hat, that I am just the bit amused by it. Oh yes, it gives me some giggle time imagining various tortures and such...what I'd say, etc. I do love the grand speech...besides, isn't that villains do?

I had to think if I would accept an apology. I know I haven't been asked to accept one, but the possibility of it was presented. What would I do? Would I accept it graciously? Would I curl my lip and sneer at it? I just don't know. I know if I were to accept it, it would be....a fake acceptance on my part. I wouldn't mean it and I wouldn't have actually accepted it. It would be more honest of me to refuse it.

But who wants honesty any more?

Fortunately, I haven't had to answer that question. Nothing has been mentioned and I believe, that it won't ever be. Many do think I would be gracious. That would be the correct thing to do. It would be the Christian thing to do, turn the other cheek and all.

Well honey, I've run out of cheeks a long damn time ago.

Nor am I Christian. I have a belief in a creator. I think, I even believe in Jesus. But everything else I gots serious doubts about. I don't believe a God would send down all these rules and thing concerning women, making them.....less. I believe the bible was written by men, not inspired by God, but to put forth their own agenda regarding women.

ok, I'll stop now. I'm about to go off on a rant about religion and I don't want to do that. But to finish the thought...I consider myself to be a Buddhist. I like the philosophy. It really says, just be responsible for your actions. Jesus pretty much said the same thing, but no one really listened. They still aren't...and human kind has had over 2000 years to wake up and smell the damn roses.

sheesh, there I go again, off on this tangent.

So, unless I actually believe someone has actually taken responsibilty for their actions, no forgiveness from me. I'm still waiting on Jimmy Swaggert to actually be sorry...along with some other well known sinners.

Bring the brass monkey in tonight....

'nuff said........