The following is a composite profile of an Online Predator. This profile was compiled by a number of submissive women for use by submissive women. It is written from the perspective of a submissive female whose nature requires her to respond to a dominant male.
The Online Predator
Definition : The Online Predator is one who uses the mechanisms of cyber space to hunt human beings with the intent to exploit, rob, plunder and pillage their body, mind, heart and soul.
Characteristics of a Predator:
1. Liar: (Self explanatory)
2. Deceiver: His self situation is presented as other than what it is.
3. Betrayer: He is likely to break trust.
4. Insecure: He is worried that others will be faithless.
5. Inconsistent: He will say one thing while doing another.
6. Lacking Honor: Usually while protesting that he has honor.
7. Lack of Respect: He will tend to denigrate others.
8. Transient: He is unlikely to have many long term friends.
9. Manipulator: He calculates and contrives for his own benefit to the detriment of his partner.
10. Secretive: He will tend to cloak himself and his activities.
11. Charming: If he could not steal your breath away, he would not be a successful hunter.
12. Selective: He will pick victims carefully, looking for weaknesses and filling those voids completely.
13. Chameleon: He will appear to fit any need perfectly and adapt to fill any desire.
14. Lacking in Self Control: At times, he may have extraordinary self control and discipline, a predator probably exhibits these characteristics in all aspects of his life. It may be that the only place the predator seems to have honor and value "Truth" is in the "Relationship" he is developing with his victim.
CAUTION
When developing a new relationship, make a conscious effort to observe your partner's interaction with others, not just how he interacts with you. The predator may well reveal his true self through his interactions. But, you may only see this revelation if your are committed to taking every precaution for your own safety.
Predator Warning Signals:
While any of these phrases or actions may be acceptable in a given context, pay close attention when seeing or hearing them.
Phrases:
1. Do not tell ____________ .
2. (_______) is crazy! (or psycho, sick, a liar, or out to get me)
3. It would be best if you no longer spoke to _________.
4. I do not need to defend myself against lies.
5. They are just jealous (of me, of us, of what we have, that you have me).
Actions:
1. May seldom be in the D/s chat rooms. Operates from other areas or private rooms.
2. Has personal information which is incomplete or not verifiable.
3. Becomes defensive, angry or in denial when questioned.
4. Questions the sincerity of the submissive when questioned.
5. He will usually discourage or forbid the practice of reference checks.
6. He will usually discourage or forbid the use of Safe Calls.
The Submissive's Personal Warning Signals:
These are items that a submissive should pay attention to if she is saying them to herself or hearing them from others.
1. I feel he is just too good to be true.
2. You are hearing consistent warnings from more that one person.
3. Your instincts are whispering " something is not right about this person ".
Summary:
The final best defense any submissive has against an Online Predator is her own common sense and judgment. The submissive should always remember that desires, needs, and the heat of the moment can combine to drown that judgment. Always take a moment to step back, take a deep breath and look at a potential partner with common sense and not with passion.
Note: ALWAYS ask for references from other submissives and check them!
Part Two: From the House of De Sade website:
"RED FLAGS"
Red Flags are people who are vague, talk in circles or answer questions with questions. They use fancy footwork, excuses or evasive maneuvers. Be very cautious with these types of people. They may have been hurt and are cautious themselves or may be playing hard to get. They may not be someone you should continue communication with. IF they cannot be honest with you from the start, then don't count on them to be honest in real time. Trust is crucial in the BDSM lifestyle. This could be a key indicator that the person is not worthy of being your Dominant.
Possible "Red Flags" To Think About:
- Changes screen names constantly?
- Demands you to call him "Master" in a PM or private room only?
- Converse with you in PM only? Tells you not to mention that you have been speaking to each other?"Hides Out" when online (is always invisible).
- Only converses with you from their work computer?
- Insists on having your full name and telephone number, but refuses to give you theirs?
- Isolates you from your friends or tells you that your friends lie about him.
- Become defensive or angry when questioned or questions the sincerity of the submissive when he's questioned.
Watch out for inappropriate attitudes such as: "The Bow Down And Worship Me Cause I Say I Am Dom Syndrome" who acts as if every submissives MUST obey every self-proclaimed Dominant (especially him) and begins giving orders or grilling the submissive from the very beginning. He will probably exhibit this behaviour in real time.
The predator will use his considerable charm to decieve and use the vulnerability of a submissive to his advantage. He will use their lack of self-esteem to gain a hold over her. He will attack her trust in him and she will lose the ability to trust herself and her own feelings or judgements. He may attack those who try to enlighten the intended victim by using, "They Are Jealous Of What We Have". Even though what he is teaching her is incorrect, she is now at the point of believing everything he says!
Male or Female submissives are NOT obligated to answer every IM you receive. If you receive an IM that is insulting, rude, demanding, abusive or vulgar: PLACE THAT PERSON ON IGNORE. If they are not your Dominant, you are not obliged. New subs think they need to answer everything self proclaimed demi god that IM's them. If they insist on being pushy and do not take the hint after you have ignored them or they follow you. Log off. Go cool off a while.
Never EVER give out your personal information to someone you don't know!
Trust your instincts if they are saying something is not right about this person. Your common sense is your best defense! Never be swept away in the fastasy so that you lose touch with reality. It is easy to allow one's body and heart to over rule common sense when the need for submission is so strong!
In this lifestyle we need to not look out only for our safety but also help in guarding the safety of others. We have a responsibility to our community to present education on Safety. The Predator is not gender definite. Sad but true. They can be both sexes. Lets look at 2 examples and see where the commonalities show up.
Example #1 - Is A Male Pretending To Be A "Mistress" One such case was a "Self Proclaimed Dominant/male submissive" Named "*** Dom**" from the UK. He is very charming, married and a salesman who states a desire to move to the USA. He would frequent the chat rooms as "Mistress Fake Name**" hunting for "Gay Women" whom he thought would be quick and easy prey. He claimed to have no self pictures, microphone or webcam as a "Mistress"...but had many male pictures for when he is Dominant or submissive. He coerced women into performing sexual acts via NetMeeting, MSN and Yahoo!. His favourite hoobby is collecting nude photos. He used sob stories such as his wife "Little Miss Vanilla" left him. He can adapt to any situation.
Example #2 -SmartAss Extraordinaire
"***Subbie**" A 50ish "submissive" From The Southwest. Married, Dishonest about her age and physical appearance (Uses daughters or old pictures), Constantly disrespectful and rude in most rooms, Uses the sob story technique..."i just want to escape my present situation" or the "Poor me, my last relationship ended because HE was a liar, i was abused, hurt, etc. Husband has Illness"...etc as a way of luring Dominants. When she does not get her way, she begins to harass others by giving out their personal information, threatened family members by harassing phone calls. Mean while she's trolling under various nicks which she usually says is her "daughter's nicks". She's often paranoid thinking "people are hacking or stalking her.
Submissives that portray things in a skewed fashion just to gain sympathy are just as guilty of being predators.
Does either have a sense of what BDSM means?
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