Touching and the single submissive.

I was going to make this post about predators and how to spot them.

I changed my mind. It's allowed. After all....

I'm female.

I was talking with my buddy over dinner the other night. We were discussing some recent incidents that a lady friend of his went though. This friend of his is a sub who has had some problems with inappropriate touching. Now I agree she is a cuddly bundle that is just nearly impossible NOT to want to be close to. Still, one of the first rules of anywhere is "Thou shalt not touch without permission" My friend suggested the sub have some mace or pepper spray ready.

Makes sense to me. Touch me, draw back a nub, get a face full of pepper spray.

But I'm not a submissive. Most know I do not like to be touched period. If I don't like to be touched, damned if I am going to touch someone else. Some will touch a sub that has no Dom because they think they can. This includes Dom/mes as well....naughty naughty.

Wrong.

Subbies: If you don't want to be touched make sure that the Dominant doing it understands that NO means NO. Raise your voice. Call attention to the situation ASAP. Call the host over. If it is the host being inappropriate, call over a friend. If you do not have a friend there,...GET OUT. What the hell were you doing there anyway? Technically, the host of any sort of event IS your protector and you are to go immediately to him or her for assistance. But what ever you do, DON'T remain silent. You do no one a service by remaining silent. If it happens to you, it can happen to someone else and you have a duty to end it then and there before it happens to anyone else. Speak out then.

"But oh", you tell me. "I did tell that Dom no but he didn't pay me any mind. What do I do then?"

Ok, I'll play your silly ass game. Go to the host. Go straight to the host, do not pass go, do not collect an audience. Make sure you are heard. Make sure you are heard in a calm rational manner. Don't make it a drama. Try to be a class act even when they are not.

Now, that being said let me say that I understand that some submissives are reluctant to say anything because they think it is disrespectful to correct a Dominant. I commend you for your gentle heart but kick you in the ass for being stupid. You might be in a place where you think it would be very disrespectful to say anything at all. However, whether or not you are in a private club or home...it is your duty to your fellow submissives to quietly call attention to the situation. The rules are in place for a reason. They are there to protect YOU and to protect the Dominant.

Some submissives are too timid to speak up. They are afraid if they rock the boat someone will kick them out of the boat or that they will not be seen as "real". There is no such thing as "real". "Real" is a buzz word to try and pigeonhole people. Some submissives are new to the scene and some just think they have to take whatever a Dominant does. This post is for those of you that are timid or afraid. If anyone gets their panties or boxers in a twist about you making a fuss about something YOU feel is important, then you do not need to be with that group of people. Regardless of how it appears there are other places you can go. Study that group. Ask questions. Do your homework!

Dominants have to be protected from the occasional subbie as well. Even I don't think there are innocent submissives in EVERY case. We usually don't hear too much about that, but it does happen. Some submissives are nut cases. The idea behind the rules is to CYA. Cover Your Ass. The idea is to have fun, but when you have so many different people with different outlooks, it is safer to learn to keep one's hands to themselves and ask permission no matter what your persuasion is or even how well you think you know that particular submissive or Dominant. Permission given ONCE does not give you permission later that evening, later that day, later that week, etc.

Use yer common sense.